Why are so many Black men absent in the Black family?

[JAG89]

Wow...just her, huh? Part of the problem there.

And I want to work with NOW people. Starting NOW. Not next year or the next millenium. We can't afford to make excuses and let stuff go until then. AAs will be extinct if we don't act NOW. Do nothing and Watch...

You seem to misconstrue and misinterpret things a lot; because I can't speak for those that have not been created or born yet, but my NOW people is the new born generation. They are our future.

 

[chocalate_topaz]

Ken,

When will mothers teach their bastard children right?

misconstrued?

 

[JAG89]

misconstrued?

If it makes you feel better, replace mother with father.

 

[96lioness]

Ken,

When will mothers teach their bastard children right? Seems like CT wants to work with the wrong generation of folks. The learning process starts at home right after birth. At what point do women stop bytching and start changing things for themselves and future generations.

As a single mother with children born out of wedlock, I can honestly say that a lot of us do teach our children how to be happy despite the hand life has dealt. It's unfortunate that so many brothers walk out on marriages, walk out of their children's lives, walk out on the promises and commitments they made, regardless of the reason(s). They chose to leave, and because of this, the mothers are left to raise and teach children. If these mothers aren't teaching their children right, I certainly don't see a lot of the fathers doing much to make sure their children are taught otherwise, other than sitting back, placing blame on the mother.

And a lot of us don't bytch about things; I've posted numerous times at how we are working, sometimes 2-3 jobs, trying to make a living, going to school, paying bills, buying school clothes/supplies, making doctor visits, school functions, church events, etc........no room to bytch and moan about what's happened. It takes focus off the kid. There are mothers out there who've learned to take the focus off the bad and find a more positive focal point. When you do this, it put things in better perspective.

As a single mother, I tell my girls that life doesn't always deal you a great hand......but that doesn't mean you still can't win. A lot of us realize that if you stay in the game long enough, it does get better, and you can never win if you don't stay in the game.

As a bastard child myself, it's not easy for a single mom to do that job on her own, especially if they didn't have proper examples to draw from her own parents or other mothers. It is worse when they don't have that support system around them as well.

My mom had me when she young and had to drop out of school. My "dad" didn't offer to help her out either. She had to raise me without his assistance.

But I think it is hard for a lot of women not to harbor bitterness and resentment if they have been treated poorly by the men in their lives. But you are right women have to love themselves. Men have to love themselves. And that lack of love creates so many issues in our communities.

It's apparent that a lot of men who walk out on their wives, children, families don't realize how very hard it is to raise children alone. The very same men who walk out are the ones who then turn around and criticize the woman for not doing a good job at raising the very children they walked out on. But yet they don't break their necks to try and instill values and morals in their children. I understand relationships don't always work out, but what I don't get is why men (particularly) talk bad about mothers of their children when they don't make any kind of effort to educate and raise the kids up to their standard.

 

[JAG89]

Women should ask themselves and their friends, why do all the sistas have babies by thugs and dudes who don't take care of them? If you pay attention, 7 out 10 of the dudes with 4 or more kids ain't hitting on jack. The only dudes with serious careers who have over 3 kids are married to long life relationships or were married. I know cats who got 10 or more kids by women. None of my college educated or friends with good jobs who didn't go to college have more than 2 or 3 kids, and they ain't by 3 or 4 different women. Maybe two women at the most, and they married at least one of them.

 

[96lioness]

Nice.

What is your take on those men who don't so much as glimpse at the nerdy-type females (plain Jane-looking, plain clothes, ordinary girls)......but then try to push up on these same females later on? Those same females that have finished school and went on to become college grads, grad school, nice job, nice home?

That game goes both ways.

 

[JAG89]

Nice.

What is your take on those men who don't so much as glimpse at the nerdy-type females (plain Jane-looking, plain clothes, ordinary girls)......but then try to push up on these same females later on? That games goes both ways.

It's basically the same, but I really don't hear those type of men complaining about not finding a good woman.

 

[96lioness]

It's basically the same, but I really don't hear those type of men complaining about not finding a good woman.

Really?

It's posted almost daily here on TSPN. I haven't been a member of the Forums as long as you, and even I notice how most of the men on here have more negative than good to say about Black women and how they prefer Becky, Bonita, or Boneisheiwa over us because there aren't any good Black/women. According to most of the TSPN men, we're too confrontational when we voice opinions or truths, too nagging when we ask questions, too pushy when we suggest improvement......

You hear men everyday complain about not finding good women right here on this Board. Otherwise, the topic wouldn't come up every other week.

 

[CriTAUcal]

Nice.

What is your take on those men who don't so much as glimpse at the nerdy-type females (plain Jane-looking, plain clothes, ordinary girls)......but then try to push up on these same females later on? Those same females that have finished school and went on to become college grads, grad school, nice job, nice home?

That game goes both ways.

It sure does. It sure does! Poor choices are made from both sexes.

 

[JAG89]

Really?

It's posted almost daily here on TSPN. I haven't been a member of the Forums as long as you, and even I notice how most of the men on here have more negative than good to say about Black women and how they prefer Becky, Bonita, or Boneisheiwa over us because there aren't any good Black/women. According to most of the TSPN men, we're too confrontational when we voice opinions or truths, too nagging when we ask questions, too pushy when we suggest improvement......

You hear men everyday complain about not finding good women right here on this Board. Otherwise, the topic wouldn't come up every other week.

I hope the men on here are not thugs, but a few on here do express their feelings about the actions of some Black women.

 

[JAG89]

It sure does. It sure does! Poor choices are made from both sexes.

You can say that again.

 

[CriTAUcal]

I really don't hear those type of men complaining about not finding a good woman.

Good thing the world is bigger than your views and experiences...

 

[SUJagFan]

Really?

It's posted almost daily here on TSPN. I haven't been a member of the Forums as long as you, and even I notice how most of the men on here have more negative than good to say about Black women and how they prefer Becky, Bonita, or Boneisheiwa over us because there aren't any good Black/women. According to most of the TSPN men, we're too confrontational when we voice opinions or truths, too nagging when we ask questions, too pushy when we suggest improvement......

You hear men everyday complain about not finding good women right here on this Board. Otherwise, the topic wouldn't come up every other week.

I don't presume to speak for him, but I think he meant that men who pursue what are considered top notch women tend to continue to pursue top notch women when they get older. Now, what is considered top notch may change from purely physical attractiveness to include other things, but I've rarely seen a man who didn't have to lower his expectations do so.

Your point about the attitudes of men here is interesting though. I knew other women felt that the men here bash Black women, but I didn't know you felt that way.

 

[CEE DOG]

Man yall really into this topic. Yall going hard I see.

 

[CEE DOG]

In all fairness, Becky's love thugs just as much or if not more than sistas. Them Becky's take them street cats and have 20 kids and let them stay for free.

 

[JAG89]

Good thing the world is bigger than your views and experiences...

Likewise................

 

[96lioness]

I don't presume to speak for him, but I think he meant that men who pursue what are considered top notch women tend to continue to pursue top notch women when they get older. Now, what is considered top notch may change from purely physical attractiveness to include other things, but I've rarely seen a man who didn't have to lower his expectations do so.

Your point about the attitudes of men here is interesting though. I knew other women felt that the men here bash Black women, but I didn't know you felt that way.

Disagree. It happens even in our older years. If I'm not mistaken, there was a thread posted on here at how men will still choose a fine, "dimepiece" over an attractive, business, educated woman. When it comes to how women look, I've find out that there are alot of brothers on this board who will and have lowered their expectations; I can only go by what is posted, so if a lot come and say this isn't true, they lied in their posts.

As for my attitude about men, Black men in particular, I've posted several times at how I love Black men, and regard them to be great, remembering that they come from kings and queens. Black man is the greatest creation God made, and I thank Him for yall! I never said that I feel that the men of TSPN bash us Black women; there are a few who do love us and cherish us and see the beauty and see the worth in us. But I do see a lot of TSPN men post more negative things about us than positive. And even when some of us do post positive things, we're made fun of, snide and sometimes cruel remarks are posted, but I've learned that's just the nature of some. But it is confusing sometimes.

 

[Tpop33]

It's unfortunate that so many brothers walk out on marriages, walk out of their children's lives, walk out on the promises and commitments they made, regardless of the reason(s). They chose to leave, and because of this, the mothers are left to raise and teach children. If these mothers aren't teaching their children right, I certainly don't see a lot of the fathers doing much to make sure their children are taught otherwise, other than sitting back, placing blame on the mother.........

It's apparent that a lot of men who walk out on their wives, children, families don't realize how very hard it is to raise children alone. The very same men who walk out are the ones who then turn around and criticize the woman for not doing a good job at raising the very children they walked out on. But yet they don't break their necks to try and instill values and morals in their children. I understand relationships don't always work out, but what I don't get is why men (particularly) talk bad about mothers of their children when they don't make any kind of effort to educate and raise the kids up to their standard.

In your first paragraph you talk about the men walking out, but in the second paragraph talk about how the relationships don't work out. There may be a reason for why they left or had to leave. And as for being the father they need to be, CEE already posted earlier about how he has friends who've tried to be there and have the mothers fighting them tooth and nail. See it seems like you Lioness, and CT are not the norm, like I said, it seems, that way from what I'm reading.

The bottom line is that there's enough blame to go around. But no one is taking personal responsibility My brothers quoted the poem Invicitus, and how it relates to us taking control of our destinies, and that is all well and good, but after the proverbial crap hits the fan then we need to start asking ourselves, as mothers and fathers, WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN!!!!!

 

[Tpop33]

Really?

It's posted almost daily here on TSPN. I haven't been a member of the Forums as long as you, and even I notice how most of the men on here have more negative than good to say about Black women and how they prefer Becky, Bonita, or Boneisheiwa over us because there aren't any good Black/women. According to most of the TSPN men, we're too confrontational when we voice opinions or truths, too nagging when we ask questions, too pushy when we suggest improvement......

You hear men everyday complain about not finding good women right here on this Board. Otherwise, the topic wouldn't come up every other week.

You know what, the fellas may complain and talk about the other races, but in the end, we're still by your side, the same with you all being by our side.

We complain and cant stand each other at times, but when push comes to shove, the average brother would rather be with a sista any day of the year, and I thin the same goes for yall when it comes to the brothas.

 

[Tpop33]

Some of us reject Kendrick's notion that we don't control our own destiny, that we can't be free and are perpetually controlled by forces or circumstances beyond our control. That's a foreign idea to some of us.

Some of us ... well:

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
​

Some folks may know what I'm talking about.

This poem will be stuck in my head for the rest of the night.

 

[SUJagFan]

Disagree. It happens even in our older years. If I'm not mistaken, there was a thread posted on here at how men will still choose a fine, "dimepiece" over an attractive, business, educated woman. When it comes to how women look, I've find out that there are alot of brothers on this board who will and have lowered their expectations; I can only go by what is posted, so if a lot come and say this isn't true, they lied in their posts.

As for my attitude about men, Black men in particular, I've posted several times at how I love Black men, and regard them to be great, remembering that they come from kings and queens. Black man is the greatest creation God made, and I thank Him for yall! I never said that I feel that the men of TSPN bash us Black women; there are a few who do love us and cherish us and see the beauty and see the worth in us. But I do see a lot of TSPN men post more negative things about us than positive. And even when some of us do post positive things, we're made fun of, snide and sometimes cruel remarks are posted, but I've learned that's just the nature of some. But it is confusing sometimes.

I still disagree with your first point. Brothers who choose dimepieces tend to just choose younger dimepieces when they get older.

Your second point ... made fun of, snide and cruel remarks ... I'm shocked. I don't deny some harsh things are said sometimes, but I really didn't think people took what was said on a message board to heart. Maybe I'm different. People can say whatever they want about me to my face and I'll laugh and it won't bother me a bit. On here or any other board, I've never taken anything seriously. Maybe I'm jaded or just desensitized. Maybe people do take things others say at face value. Even on a message board. Interesting.

 

[96lioness]

In your first paragraph you talk about the men walking out, but in the second paragraph talk about how the relationships don't work out. There may be a reason for why they left or had to leave. And as for being the father they need to be, CEE already posted earlier about how he has friends who've tried to be there and have the mothers fighting them tooth and nail. See it seems like you Lioness, and CT are not the norm, like I said, it seems, that way from what I'm reading.

The bottom line is that there's enough blame to go around. But no one is taking personal responsibility My brothers quoted the poem Invicitus, and how it relates to us taking control of our destinies, and that is all well and good, but after the proverbial crap hits the fan then we need to start asking ourselves, as mothers and fathers, WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN!!!!!

Yes, I said those things, but my point was that you hear so many of these men bash the mother of their children, but yet most don't make the effort to get their kids and raise them to THEIR standard. And yes, I saw what CEE posted; if you are a committed parent, determined to instill values and morals in your children, the fight is worth it because you are fighting for your children. But so many men don't make the effort to fight; most give the excuse of the system being against them, and say it isn't worth the effort! And those who do have the resources for court don't have the patience and endurance to fight it out. This is your child, your flesh and blood, worth every effort of fight you have in you. Nothing should ever separate you from the love you have for your child and your desire to want to have him/her raised well and happy.

I've seen more men, particularly Black men, fight harder to keep material possessions than they do to get their kids.

 

[chocalate_topaz]

Maybe I'm jaded....

CT done already BEEN told ya! :tup:

 

[chocalate_topaz]

Yes, I said those things, but my point was that you hear so many of these men bash the mother of their children, but yet most don't make the effort to get their kids and raise them to THEIR standard. And yes, I saw what CEE posted; if you are a committed parent, determined to instill values and morals in your children, the fight is worth it because you are fighting for your children. But so many men don't make the effort to fight; most give the excuse of the system being against them, and say it isn't worth the effort! And those who do have the resources for court don't have the patience and endurance to fight it out. This is your child, your flesh and blood, worth every effort of fight you have in you. Nothing should ever separate you from the love you have for your child and your desire to want to have him/her raised well and happy.

:clap: Are y'all getting the "understanding" better since we have changed up the messenger??? Thankya!

 

[SUJagFan]

CT done already BEEN told ya! :tup:

:lol:

I must say that you have. I really didn't realize people took things a person on the internet said that seriously though. :noidea: