Why are so many Black men absent in the Black family?

[The Founder]

Our race has been cursed for years...it goes back to slavery days. We hate each other...black men can't stand black women and vice versa...hell, look at the posts on here, fb and any other social media outlet. Look at all the interracial dating...all I ever here is how BAD black women are and why the black men date outside their race. We simply can't/don't get along; therefore, we can't remain in a relationship, let alone get married. Then once all that schitt hits the fan, the men usually bounce. Either they just DGAF anymore and figure it's less headache to just stay away from the kid(s) b/c that means they have to deal with the mama, or they're having baby mama drama and the kid(s) are being used as pawns. It's always an excuse and neither party ever wants to be held accountable...it's always the other person's fault. Let's play the blame game...yada, yada, yada! That's why we never accomplish anything, nor are we going anywhere as a race of people.

So...there you have it ct, right there in a nutshell for ya!

True. Very True. I tend to stay away from the threads dealing with so many men this...or why so many men that....I look at self- accountability and fixing myself to be better man. I wish I would have done this some years ago because I would not be in the position I am in.

I mean really...it's that "it's not me it's her/him" syndrome has to stop before a person can move forward.

Truth be told I can't imagine not being in the home with my children if I had some....for the simple fact that my father, and both grandfathers were in the home....I don't know anything else.

 

[CriTAUcal]

Our race has been cursed for years...it goes back to slavery days. We hate each other...black men can't stand black women and vice versa...hell, look at the posts on here, fb and any other social media outlet. Look at all the interracial dating...all I ever here is how BAD black women are and why the black men date outside their race. We simply can't/don't get along; therefore, we can't remain in a relationship, let alone get married. Then once all that schitt hits the fan, the men usually bounce. Either they just DGAF anymore and figure it's less headache to just stay away from the kid(s) b/c that means they have to deal with the mama, or they're having baby mama drama and the kid(s) are being used as pawns. It's always an excuse and neither party ever wants to be held accountable...it's always the other person's fault. Let's play the blame game...yada, yada, yada! That's why we never accomplish anything, nor are we going anywhere as a race of people.

Yep! Said it yesterday that our community has an accountability problem.

 

[Kendrick]

Our race has been cursed for years...it goes back to slavery days. We hate each other...black men can't stand black women and vice versa...hell, look at the posts on here, fb and any other social media outlet. Look at all the interracial dating...all I ever here is how BAD black women are and why the black men date outside their race. We simply can't/don't get along; therefore, we can't remain in a relationship, let alone get married. Then once all that schitt hits the fan, the men usually bounce. Either they just DGAF anymore and figure it's less headache to just stay away from the kid(s) b/c that means they have to deal with the mama, or they're having baby mama drama and the kid(s) are being used as pawns. It's always an excuse and neither party ever wants to be held accountable...it's always the other person's fault. Let's play the blame game...yada, yada, yada! That's why we never accomplish anything, nor are we going anywhere as a race of people.

So...there you have it ct, right there in a nutshell for ya!

We've been conditioned to behave that way, Warny. All these questions on this board asking why black people behave or think a certain way goes back to (at least since we arrived in America) the majority race's historic assault on suppressing us. And to do that one has to create a division in the family or among male and female.

And as far as why some women date or have sex with who we consider undesirable men, is because they are trying to fulfill some unmet need they've long sought after that developed over time. What that need is? Every woman has different needs.

And normally what happens is that women (just like men as well) will do anything to have that need met.

 

[JAG89]

A lot of women tend to go for these type of men.

Here's a man that probably got plenty of pudding after getting his azz whipped on world wide TV:

And I don't know how many babies this man has by different women:

 

[Tpop33]

True. Very True. I tend to stay away from the threads dealing with so many men this...or why so many men that....I look at self- accountability and fixing myself to be better man. I wish I would have done this some years ago because I would not be in the position I am in.

I mean really...it's that "it's not me it's her/him" syndrome has to stop before a person can move forward.

Truth be told I can't imagine not being in the home with my children if I had some....for the simple fact that my father, and both grandfathers were in the home....I don't know anything else.

That's easier said then done!!! When you have accepted responsibility for your actions, but the other party has not, then that makes for a difficult situation and no matter how much you try, at some point you have to say screw it, and throw in the towel, but that does not mean you abandon your kids. You do what you have to for them, and fight the fight of your life to be in their lives and raise them.

Another thing we are different people today, than our parents were. Back then it was easier to stick together, because is seems as though everyone was rooting for you to make it, nowadays it seems as though no one really cares, and as the saying goes misery loves company.

 

[The Founder]

That's easier said then done!!! When you have accepted responsibility for your actions, but the other party has not, then that makes for a difficult situation and no matter how much you try, at some point you have to say screw it, and throw in the towel, but that does not mean you abandon your kids. You do what you have to for them, and fight the fight of your life to be in their lives and raise them.

Another thing we are different people today, than our parents were. Back then it was easier to stick together, because is seems as though everyone was rooting for you to make it, nowadays it seems as though no one really cares, and as the saying goes misery loves company.

It's really crazy. I think where things broke down was when people removed "Roles in Relationships" and a women took this independence thing to entirely whole other level and sorry ass men forgot how to mow a damn lawn and fix the hot water heater. You feel where I'm going? The basics were lost.....

 

[Kendrick]

It's really crazy. I think where things broke down was when people removed "Roles in Relationships" and a women took this independence thing to entirely whole other level and sorry ass men forgot how to mow a damn lawn and fix the hot water heater.

1. This is as a result of social engineering. Not an accident that mindsets and beliefs just happen out of the blue.

2. About the so-called hot water heater. If the water is already hot, why do you need a heater? Don't you mean cold water heater?

 

[chocalate_topaz]

Tony, you SUJag and Jag98.89...are a trip. I can't even go do some work and I'm bailing. I ain't bailing on shat! I want some damn answers for the lack of accountability. And tony...the inability to walk away from all that pudding...sounds lame. One thing I will say, Y'all got some excuses and then some for where men are...none of them good enough.

 

[Brave]

Posed by another poster, so, Lots of theories...what do you think?

I think this explains it.


When you have generations on top of generations going to jail. When you have generations on top of generations learning that their dad, their fathers dad, & his dad all went to jail. when you have moms growing up in families with no male experiences generation after generation...it becomes an expectation & in some way accepted

[video=youtube_share;oHgo7cStnZE]http://youtu.be/oHgo7cStnZE[/video]

 

[The Founder]

1. This is as a result of social engineering. Not an accident that mindsets and beliefs just happen out of the blue.

2. About the so-called hot water heater. If the water is already hot, why do you need a heater? Don't you mean cold water heater?

This came from the feminist issue yet with no true understanding of companionship. Also the hot water heater was an example of men not being around the home more learning from fathers.



NUPE is on the move - Using Tapatalk

 

[JAG89]

I think this explains it.


When you have generations on top of generations going to jail. When you have generations on top of generations learning that their dad, their fathers dad, & his dad all went to jail. when you have moms growing up in families with no male experiences generation after generation...it becomes an expectation & in some way accepted

[video=youtube_share;oHgo7cStnZE]http://youtu.be/oHgo7cStnZE[/video]

Would you say there are factors beyond the Black man's control that have removed him out of the Black family? Right now, the way CT sees it, which she says is a statistical fact is that Black men are absent from the Black family because Black men do not want to be with their family.

 

[chocalate_topaz]

Would you say there are factors beyond the Black man's control that have removed him out of the Black family? Right now, the way CT sees it, which she says is a statistical fact is that Black men are absent from the Black family because Black men do not want to be with their family.

MAN are you running yourself and your life or not? Last time I checked grown MEN ran their lives. Keep making excuses. Y'all gonna wake up and we're gonna be so far gone, the men produced will be wearing damn skorts and asking women, "Tell me...is my butt too big?"

 

[Brave]

MAN are you running yourself and your life or not? Last time I checked grown MEN ran their lives. Keep making excuses. Y'all gonna wake up and we're gonna be so far gone, the men produced will be wearing damn skorts and asking women, "Tell me...is my butt too big?"

At Jag, most definitely. To CT...there is always a reason for why things are the way they are. You asked the question...I gave a very logical answer...if you think its an excuse then that's your opinion but these things did happen & has shaped our communities. This is another Learned behavior in our black community. It has to be unlearned.

Now as far as it being an excuse of crutch...the only way we can change this behavior is if we learn our history. Once we learn what we are & what we truly were before corruption...only then can we be expected to change it. Ignorance is a PROBLEM in the black community...most of the ignorance derives from us not knowing ourselves. Most black men or women don't know about this era in American History. It is a very important part of history that needs to be taught in schools.

 

[chocalate_topaz]

my comment was for jag. I most definitely agree we need to highlight "back in the day" FOR REAL and promote the positive points of it. We've come a long way...and still are not much further from where we started. I'm all for getting real, but at the same time, the lame excuses have to stop. And there have been some given in this thread. :smh: It time for us ALL to look in a mirror, get some knowledge about the proud, purpose-filled ancestry we have and in a nutshell...DO BETTER all around.

 

[Kendrick]

MAN are you running yourself and your life or not? Last time I checked grown MEN ran their lives. Keep making excuses. Y'all gonna wake up and we're gonna be so far gone, the men produced will be wearing damn skorts and asking women, "Tell me...is my butt too big?"

So you think that black men and blacks in general suffer the plights they do as a result of their own doing without the involvement of outside forces? CT, NOBODY exclusively controls their own lives. NOBODY does. Not me. Not you. Nobody. Freedom is an illusion. You and everybody else are only allowed to go so far, however. And if you ain't calling the shots, you just like everybody else.

While it is true that blacks can and have been their own worst enemy, one would have to be ignorant to the fact a lot of what we suffer is not of our own doing. Because if it was, you would think along the way we would have collectively uplifted ourselves and not be at or near the bottom of the social order in this country.

As I keep saying, this is no accident. It has been planned to be that way. Now all we have to do is wake up, understand it and combat it. But as long as we exclusively blame the victim (which is the easy thing to do because we have been conditioned to do that), we will lose as people.

 

[chocalate_topaz]

Ken...since you know...at what point do you BEGAN to change YOU?

 

[Brave]

Ken...since you know...at what point do you BEGAN to change YOU?

I think Ken is doing a good job with himself. I feel this is a generational issue. I think anyone over the age of 10 is pretty much a lost cause already if they aren't getting the proper upbringing by now.

I think we have to start early on these kids. I know its rough to make a decision like that but we have to have a cut off & starting point & I think that age is about right. The problem now is how do we get this being taught the RIGHT way in schools.

 

[JAG89]

So you think that black men and blacks in general suffer the plights they do as a result of their own doing without the involvement of outside forces? CT, NOBODY exclusively controls their own lives. NOBODY does. Not me. Not you. Nobody. Freedom is an illusion. You and everybody else are only allowed to go so far, however. And if you ain't calling the shots, you just like everybody else.

While it is true that blacks can and have been their own worst enemy, one would have to be ignorant to the fact a lot of what we suffer is not of our own doing. Because if it was, you would think along the way we would have collectively uplifted ourselves and not be at or near the bottom of the social order in this country.

As I keep saying, this is no accident. It has been planned to be that way. Now all we have to do is wake up, understand it and combat it. But as long as we exclusively blame the victim (which is the easy thing to do because we have been conditioned to do that), we will lose as people.

Ken,

When will mothers teach their bastard children right? Seems like CT wants to work with the wrong generation of folks. The learning process starts at home right after birth. At what point do women stop bytching and start changing things for themselves and future generations.

 

[SUJagFan]

I think Ken is doing a good job with himself. I feel this is a generational issue. I think anyone over the age of 10 is pretty much a lost cause already if they aren't getting the proper upbringing by now.

I think we have to start early on these kids. I know its rough to make a decision like that but we have to have a cut off & starting point & I think that age is about right. The problem now is how do we get this being taught the RIGHT way in schools.

Some of us reject Kendrick's notion that we don't control our own destiny, that we can't be free and are perpetually controlled by forces or circumstances beyond our control. That's a foreign idea to some of us.

Some of us ... well:

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.​

Some folks may know what I'm talking about.

 

[JAG89]

Some of us reject Kendrick's notion that we don't control our own destiny, that we can't be free and are perpetually controlled by forces or circumstances beyond our control. That's a foreign idea to some of us.

Some of us ... well:

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.​

Some folks may know what I'm talking about.

I LOVE that poem and had to recite it several times.

 

[SUJagFan]

I LOVE that poem and had to recite it several times.

Me too.

 

[Kendrick]

Ken...since you know...at what point do you BEGAN to change YOU?

Immediately.

See, what hurts black people more than any other ethic group in this land is that we don't know ourselves. That's why Cee Dog and other keep asking these questions on the message board every week.

We have been trying for find our identity for hundreds of years.

We don't know crap about our history (and I don't mean our history in America either). We don't know who we are because the powers that be in our society don't want us to know, and we are either too ignorant or too closed-minded to find out.

We don't study anything about history like we should. We take any information give to us and accept it as fact. I tend to be a person who wants to examine what's underneath the surface instead of always pointing out the obvious like we normally do. It is so easy to say (without context) there are not enough good black men around, or black women are crazy.

What are the factors that contribute to this? Founder brought up black women buying into the independent movement. Why?

Until we find out who we are as a people, and address the underlying causes of our behavior and our ideals, we will be like the crew in the Bible who wandered in the wilderness for 40 years.

 

[chocalate_topaz]

Ken,

When will mothers teach their bastard children right? Seems like CT wants to work with the wrong generation of folks. The learning process starts at home right after birth. At what point do women stop bytching and start changing things for themselves and future generations.

Wow...just her, huh? Part of the problem there.

And I want to work with NOW people. Starting NOW. Not next year or the next millenium. We can't afford to make excuses and let stuff go until then. AAs will be extinct if we don't act NOW. Do nothing and Watch...

 

[Brave]

Some of us reject Kendrick's notion that we don't control our own destiny, that we can't be free and are perpetually controlled by forces or circumstances beyond our control. That's a foreign idea to some of us.

Some of us ... well:

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.​

Some folks may know what I'm talking about.

Most of us who had to recite this poem are already built to believe it. Which is why we are what we are. But this discussion is about the weak & those that aren't strong. All of us aren't built the same way. I think what Kendrick is doing is just answering the question WHY. It was asked & I think he is answering it.

 

[Kendrick]

Ken,

When will mothers teach their bastard children right? Seems like CT wants to work with the wrong generation of folks. The learning process starts at home right after birth. At what point do women stop bytching and start changing things for themselves and future generations.

As a bastard child myself, it's not easy for a single mom to do that job on her own, especially if they didn't have proper examples to draw from her own parents or other mothers. It is worse when they don't have that support system around them as well.

My mom had me when she young and had to drop out of school. My "dad" didn't offer to help her out either. She had to raise me without his assistance.

But I think it is hard for a lot of women not to harbor bitterness and resentment if they have been treated poorly by the men in their lives. But you are right women have to love themselves. Men have to love themselves. And that lack of love creates so many issues in our communities.