Why are so many Black men absent in the Black family?

[CEE DOG]

CT, you wanted it that way. Most women don't want it that way. My cousin tried to put himself on Child support three times. His kids are in Chicago, they told him they couldn't do it. The childs mother had to do it. He tried to get the state of Alabama to do it, they told him no she had to file. He pays her more than the courts would make him pay every month. She will not put him on child support because he would get to spend time with his daughter in the summer. She doesn't want that so she want put him on child support.

And y'all do know custody can be joint from the jump, right? I had full open joint custody for my kid. Got the child support but whenever my ex-hubby wanted to see our son, he could. So if he didn't, that was on him. But the kid was available at all times. So not being in his life was a his choice, not mine or the kid.

Next excuse please...

 

[CEE DOG]

Cee Dog...you don't have kids and thus, this is seems to be something you aren't in touch with. I've been through this, have plenty of colleagues still going through this, and the payment isn't $100K. Hell, we'd all still be married since we wouldn't have it sitting around to spend like that. A divorce costs less than $1000 no fault; ~$2500 with property settlement and ~$3 - 4 if you have a custody dispute here.

CT, I have brothers, cousins, friends whom I have all lent money or helped dealing with this mess. I know!!!!

 

[JAG89]

It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman. Now if God don't wanna deal with you, how you expect us to deal with you? :lecture:

Proverbs 21:9 and 21:19

 

[CEE DOG]

Your colleague should have notified the department as soon as he became unemployed and they would have adjusted/stopped his child support payments until he found work/got an income.

That is another lie. They don't care. They want that money.

 

[SUJagFan]

That was HIS interpretation. It said full legal joint custody. I didn't put stipulations. If you wanted the kid, and we were in town--->Got the kid.

Nah. You're talking about your interpretation.

The decree should have spelled out when he could have the children. I seriously doubt your divorce decree said "If you wanted the kid, and we were in town--->Got the kid." That's BS, CT. And you know it.

 

[jag4life]

Your colleague should have notified the department as soon as he became unemployed and they would have adjusted/stopped his child support payments until he found work/got an income.

Or he could have done like me and bit the bullet. Let the full payment come out of the unemployment checks (if he even filed), live broke for a short time, but keep your freedom and your same payment amount when you get a better job.

 

[chocalate_topaz]

Okay then, if you guys already know the system doesn't favor you, women get "crazy" after you leave and withhold kids...why aren't y'all wearing condoms like they had gold in them? If you see the train coming, get off the damn tracks?

If you do't want kids in the streets you don't have control over or if you just don't want kids to take care of, wrap that thang up tight. avoid the excuses later.

 

[chocalate_topaz]

Nah. You're talking about your interpretation.

The decree should have spelled out when he could have the children. I seriously doubt your divorce decree said "If you wanted the kid, and we were in town--->Got the kid." That's BS, CT. And you know it.

No YOU are full of BS and attempting to be oblique on purpose...It didn't have to spell out anything because we had full, joint legal custody. NO LIMITATIONS. HE COULD GET HIM WHENEVER. How much easier, open, accomodating can one be?

 

[JAG89]

Okay then, if you guys already know the system doesn't favor you, women get "crazy" after you leave and withhold kids...why aren't y'all wearing condoms like they had gold in them? If you see the train coming, get off the damn tracks?

If you do't want kids in the streets you don't have control over or if you just don't want kids to take care of, wrap that thang up tight. avoid the excuses later.

So you do agree that a lot women get "CRAZY"?

 

[Tony]

Women

Somewhere along the line women stop believing they were the fairer sex, something that should be earned, and cherished.
Instead women started being
Thirsty just to have ANY man

Women lost something inside themselves , and it started making them feel less than,
If they weren’t involved with some dude
Women forgot that it’s ok to be single.

Not good for a man to be alone, but sometimes for a woman it’s best

Women stop requiring a man to approach with some level of intelligence and decency
Women stop requiring a man to hold intelligent an realistic conversations, delving into her mind, hopes dreams aspirations, etc
Women stop requiring a man to open the car doors, have a relationship with God, or have any clue about Love.

Women stop asking what do you want from me beyond sex?

Women stop asking what do you want FOR me?
Women stop asking what do you want for US

Simply put, women stop caring, therefore lots of black men stopped caring
And in the final analysis our whole community losses


DISCLAIMER: This post refers to SOME Women not all.

 

[jsupop33]

Your colleague should have notified the department as soon as he became unemployed and they would have adjusted/stopped his child support payments until he found work/got an income.

This is true. I never understood the decision to lock him up though after he had been paying for 7 months.

 

[CEE DOG]

Um, I can't relate. Trojans have been my best friend since 1985. We love each other so much and trust each other for life. :tup:

Okay then, if you guys already know the system doesn't favor you, women get "crazy" after you leave and withhold kids...why aren't y'all wearing condoms like they had gold in them? If you see the train coming, get off the damn tracks?

If you do't want kids in the streets you don't have control over or if you just don't want kids to take care of, wrap that thang up tight. avoid the excuses later.

 

[jag4life]

This is true. I never understood the decision to lock him up though after he had been paying for 7 months.

He might not have been completely truthful with you.

 

[JAG89]

Um, I can't relate. Trojans have been my best friend since 1985. We love each other so much and trust each other for life. :tup:

I learned from my mistake and now I always keep a 36 pack of trojans on me.

 

[CEE DOG]

The better question is why are all these women having kids by dudes who ain't hitting on jack? She had to open up for it to happen right?

 

[SUJagFan]

Okay then, if you guys already know the system doesn't favor you, women get "crazy" after you leave and withhold kids...why aren't y'all wearing condoms like they had gold in them? If you see the train coming, get off the damn tracks?

If you do't want kids in the streets you don't have control over or if you just don't want kids to take care of, wrap that thang up tight. avoid the excuses later.

Uh, my wife and I had been married nearly two years when my daughter was born. I didn't have a kid out of wedlock before I married and haven't had a since I've been divorced. My ex-wife is a good woman. I wouldn't have married her if she wasn't. Sometimes, divorce happens when you don't want to or didn't expect to.

I didn't fight my ex over the custody of my child because the kid is a girl. I thought she would be better with her mother for the most part. If I had a son, it might would have been different. I would have wanted custody if we had a son.

Divorce is a dirty business, but I wouldn't assume that every father who is not in the household with his child is bad or negligent.

 

[jag4life]

The better question is why are all these women having kids by dudes who ain't hitting on jack? She had to open up for it to happen right?

Very true also.

 

[96lioness]

No YOU are full of BS and attempting to be oblique on purpose...It didn't have to spell out anything because we had full, joint legal custody. NO LIMITATIONS. HE COULD GET HIM WHENEVER. How much easier, open, accomodating can one be?

I can relate to this......


On the subject of custody, I've never been married, but when the girls' father left me, I told him that his daughters were his as well as mine. He was free, whenever he WANTED to see them, to come and visit and/or take them away for a weekend or so. I made it clear that I would never and have never kept them away from him or his family; however, I told him that it would be HIS responsibility to come and get them himself. All he had to was let me know when he WANTED to see them or have them stay for a few days (so I could have the girls packed and ready). HE made the choice to not be in their lives; it wasn't that he could have more so than the fact he DIDN'T WANT to take an active role in their lives.

 

[jsupop33]

He might not have been completely truthful with you.

Or the judge. This was his written argument that he submitted to the state. He argued his 7 consecutive months should show a pattern of responsibility. He got 90 days.

 

[SUJagFan]

No YOU are full of BS and attempting to be oblique on purpose...It didn't have to spell out anything because we had full, joint legal custody. NO LIMITATIONS. HE COULD GET HIM WHENEVER. How much easier, open, accomodating can one be?

CT, unless the child would spend equal amounts of time in each house (and the decree spelled that out), you didn't have "full, joint legal custody". If the kid primarily lives in your home, you can call it what you want to, but the custody is far from "full, joint legal custody".

 

[96lioness]

Uh, my wife and I had been married nearly two years when my daughter was born. I didn't have a kid out of wedlock before I married and haven't had a since I've been divorced. My ex-wife is a good woman. I wouldn't have married her if she wasn't. Sometimes, divorce happens when you don't want to or didn't expect to.

I didn't fight my ex over the custody of my child because the kid is a girl. I thought she would be better with her mother for the most part. If I had a son, it might would have been different. I would have wanted custody if we had a son.

Divorce is a dirty business, but I wouldn't assume that every father who is not in the household with his child is bad or negligent.

I agree with this, but I do say that every father who is not in the household with his children is because he chose to not be there; whether good or bad, intentionally or otherwise, he made the choice to not be there.

 

[chocalate_topaz]

The better question is why are all these women having kids by dudes who ain't hitting on jack? She had to open up for it to happen right?

AND even better, why are there so many men who ain't hitting on jack in the first place and they are supposed to be the leaders? How did we get there? Why did real men allow it?

 

[CEE DOG]

AND even better, why are there so many men who ain't hitting on jack in the first place and they are supposed to be the leaders? How did we get there? Why did real men allow it?

I guess being raised by the household leader who raised them made them weak and they took on those ways.

 

[JAG89]

The better question is why are all these women having kids by dudes who ain't hitting on jack? She had to open up for it to happen right?

I think a lot of sistas confuses a thug for a real man.

 

[chocalate_topaz]

CT, unless the child would spend equal amounts of time in each house (and the decree spelled that out), you didn't have "full, joint legal custody". If the kid primarily lives in your home, you can call it what you want to, but the custody is far from "full, joint legal custody".

Sweetie, he could have come and gotten him to live with him...if he wanted to. I realize there are things that I couldn't teach my son...and there are still some areas I wish his father had stepped in and been way more active...but it is what it is and my father helped out a lot with that. But you may interpret as you like, MY INTERPRETATION and MEANING: The child is available to you as you wish...