Why are so many Black men absent in the Black family?


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CEE DOG said:
Lets keep it honest, yes there are dead beat dads, but no one tells the truth about the sistas who keep or run these dudes away. When you keep up mess 24 hours, 7 days a week, you some times have to pick up the pieces and keep it moving for the better out come. There are always three sides to every story, his story, her story and the truth!!!
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If that's the case and the woman is a problem, why not take your children out of that horrible environment when you go? Is it better to leave the kids with the bad woman...or the good man take them with him? What does it mean when all these good men are leaving their kids with all these bad women? Hmmm....
 

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jsupop33 said:
True, from the time I was young buck, the older men in my life told me to go sow my oats though. Even now, I have two mentors telling me to wait till I am 35 before considering anything serious.

Also SS, lets be honest. A lot of those non-blacks get married early to start families but never stop screwing around. The wife is for the kids, the mistress is for the fun.
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Tis true :emlaugh: But that also happens in Black households as well. But that's not THIS discussion.

The discussion is, why are Black men absent from Black households.

Maybe the concept "family/household" is changing, or what makes up a "family/household". :noidea: Is it necessary to have both parents in the household?
I grew up with both parents in my household and it was great. However, that doesnt' mean the next door house wasn't great simply b/c the father didn't live there even though he was very much involved in the kids lives.
 
Stop telling that lie. In the USA it would take Jesus on the stand for a man to get his child unless that woman is on drugs or abusive.
chocalate_topaz said:
If that's the case and the woman is a problem, why not take your children out of that horrible environment when you go? Is it better to leave the kids with the bad woman...or the good man take them with him? What does it mean when all these good men are leaving their kids with all these bad women? Hmmm....
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CEE DOG said:
Stop telling that lie. In the USA it would take Jesus on the stand for a man to get his child unless that woman is on drugs or abusive.
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What lie did you read that i didn't type? I asked QUESTIONs...how do questions become lies?

And plenty of men are getting their kids...y'all parade out Dwayne Wade, Keith Sweat and others all the time. Its doable...the question is WHY aren't more even attempting to do....
 
Dwayne Wade makes 20 Million a year. Keith Sweat is a millionaire. The average working class man can not afford to pay a 100K lawyer that wins cases at all cost.

chocalate_topaz said:
What lie did you read that i didn't type? I asked QUESTIONs...how do questions become lies?

And plenty of men are getting their kids...y'all parade out Dwayne Wade, Keith Sweat and others all the time. Its doable...the question is WHY aren't more even attempting to do....
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A man with money has a fighting chance to get his kids, the average joe is not winning a custody battle.
 
It doesn't take 100K to get your kid. Maybe a 2 - 3K but not 100K. Many don't even give it a try because of the stories, theories, etc. But maybe one should find out for themselves. Somebody is making up the stats on men getting their kids...they could be the one. However, if you never attempt...you know it won't happen.
 
chocalate_topaz said:
If that's the case and the woman is a problem, why not take your children out of that horrible environment when you go? Is it better to leave the kids with the bad woman...or the good man take them with him? What does it mean when all these good men are leaving their kids with all these bad women? Hmmm....
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I think that is a legal question moreso than men deciding to leave children with bad women. Courts typically award custody of the children to the woman, but that does not necessarily mean she's a good mother or a good woman.
 
chocalate_topaz said:
It doesn't take 100K to get your kid. Maybe a 2 - 3K but not 100K. Many don't even give it a try because of the stories, theories, etc. But maybe one should find out for themselves. Somebody is making up the stats on men getting their kids...they could be the one. However, if you never attempt...you know it won't happen.
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CT, 3K? :lmao: Please stop it. :lol: 3K? :lol: 3K is just the first court cost. :lol: You better add 30K.
 
And y'all do know custody can be joint from the jump, right? I had full open joint custody for my kid. Got the child support but whenever my ex-hubby wanted to see our son, he could. So if he didn't, that was on him. But the kid was available at all times. So not being in his life was a his choice, not mine or the kid.

Next excuse please...
 

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I worked at a landfill while in High School (horrible I know) and I had a colleague who fell behind on Child support while unemployed. He was paying at the time but the State sent him to jail for those months he missed while unemployed. I never understood that decision. He couldn't work while in jail so it was back to square one.
 
chocalate_topaz said:
If that's the case and the woman is a problem, why not take your children out of that horrible environment when you go? Is it better to leave the kids with the bad woman...or the good man take them with him? What does it mean when all these good men are leaving their kids with all these bad women? Hmmm....
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Because there might be a court order that would lock his butt up if he tried to remove those kids out of that environment. Here's a case you might be familar with:

http://nola10.nytimes-institute.com/archive/2005/xabuse.html

The system favors these women.
 
Why are so many black men absent in the Black Family? I think that the main reason have already been posted:

Incarceration
Death
Lack of his willingness to commit
Lack of her willingness to commit

What else is there?
 
chocalate_topaz said:
And y'all do know custody can be joint from the jump, right? I had full open joint custody for my kid. Got the child support but whenever my ex-hubby wanted to see our son, he could. So if he didn't, that was on him. But the kid was available at all times. So not being in his life was a his choice, not mine or the kid.

Next excuse please...
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"Joint custody" for a man typically means he has visitation every other weekend.
 
CEE DOG said:
CT, 3K? :lmao: Please stop it. :lol: 3K? :lol: 3K is just the first court cost. :lol: You better add 30K.
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Cee Dog...you don't have kids and thus, this is seems to be something you aren't in touch with. I've been through this, have plenty of colleagues still going through this, and the payment isn't $100K. Hell, we'd all still be married since we wouldn't have it sitting around to spend like that. A divorce costs less than $1000 no fault; ~$2500 with property settlement and ~$3 - 4 if you have a custody dispute here.
 
jsupop33 said:
I worked at a landfill while in High School (horrible I know) and I had a colleague who fell behind on Child support while unemployed. He was paying at the time but the State sent him to jail for those months he missed while unemployed. I never understood that decision. He couldn't work while in jail so it was back to square one.
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Your colleague should have notified the department as soon as he became unemployed and they would have adjusted/stopped his child support payments until he found work/got an income.
 
CEE DOG said:
Dwayne Wade makes 20 Million a year. Keith Sweat is a millionaire. The average working class man can not afford to pay a 100K lawyer that wins cases at all cost.
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Dwade's ex is crazy, Keith's ex didn't want the kids with her full time.
 
southsuburbs said:
Your colleague should have notified the department as soon as he became unemployed and they would have adjusted/stopped his child support payments until he found work/got an income.
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True! True! True! Lack of handling business is another issue for another topic... :mad:
 
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