The 5th Annual Bag of JAG jokes.........


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CHOLLY

CHOLLY

A Jaguars WORST Nightmare
Well folks, it's back by popular demand!!!

The 5th anual BAG of JAG jokes!!!

Pardon the tardiness, but Ole Cholly been busy of late.

NEVER too busy to SMACK some Swampnegrows though.

So, without further adieu..........


GRANDPAPPY JAGS's PASSING

On hearing that her elderly Jag-gay-war grandfather had just passed away, Kuta Mae went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmammy and comfort her.

When she ask how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Kuta Mae told her grandmother that 2 Jaguars nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Have you lost your minds!?!?" she asked. "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing we was too old to boogy, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells was ringing. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous for the old boy, just in on the Ding and out on the Dong. Worked for YEARS."

She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "and if that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!"
 
More Old Jaggy Jokes..........

A New Use For Viagra!

An elderly Jaguar went to the local back alley drug store in Scotlandville and asked the pharmacist for VIAGRA. He didn't have a prescription, so he took out a wad on ones to pay for the drugs.

The pharmacist looked at the money and asked "How many?"

The Jag replied, "Just a few, maybe a half dozen. I cut each one into four pieces."

The pharmacist said, "That's too small a dose. That won't get you through sex."

The old coot said, "Oh, I'm past eighty years old and I don't even think about sex anymore. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't pee on my shoes...."
 

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Speaking of Old Jags........

A retired Jag went into the Social Security office in Baton Rouge to apply for Social Security. After waiting in line a long time he got to the counter. The woman behind the counter asked him for his drivers license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home.

Slapping himself in the head, he told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "Will I have to go home and come back now?" he asks. The woman looked at him distrustingly, then says, "Unbutton your shirt." He opens his shirt revealing lots of curly silver hair and a powder blue bra. She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me,but the bra doesn't match your shirt" and she processed his Social Security application.

When he gets home, the old Jag excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the Social Security office. She said, "You should have dropped your pants, you might have qualified for disability, too!"
 
Those FAITHFUL Jag men..........

Way out on the Bayou, two Jags were alone in their rickety old house. Cefuss was on his deathbed. His wife, Puncey was maintaining a vigil by his side. She held his fragile hand and tears ran down her face. Her praying roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his ashy lips began to move slightly. "Me daling Puncey," he whispered. (They were REAL country jags see.......)

"Hush, me love," she said. "Rest. Shhhhhh. Nuh talk."
But he was insistent. "Puncey," he said in his tired voice. "Me ave somting me muss kanfess to yu."

"Dere's nohting to kanfess," replied the weeping Puncey, "Every-ting all rite, gwaan go sleep."

"No, no. Me haffi die in peace, Puncey. Me haffi tell yu...ah sleep wid yu mada, yu bess fren, an yu sista."

"Ah know", Puncey whispered softly, "das why ah poison yu."
 
Baby Oil and Powder.............

A Southern University Professor was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband, another Jag, opening the front door. "Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner!" She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue."

"What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room. "Oh, its just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "Internet Pete and his wife bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too." The Jag nodded and smiled.

No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep. Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk. "Here," he said to the 'statue', "eat something. I stood like an idiot at Internet Petes for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water!!!"
 
BUTTERCUPS..............

Toward the end of the golf course, Internet Pete somehow managed to hit his ball into the woods. Well, he searched and searched, finally finding it in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups. Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch. All of a sudden . . .POOF! In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared.

She said, "I'm Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups? Just for that, you won't have any butter for your popcorn the rest of your life; better still; you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life..... as a matter of fact, you won't have any butter for anything the rest of your life!!!" THEN POOF!....she was gone.

After Pete got a hold of himself, he hollered for his friend, Marino. "Big M, where are you?"

Marino yells back, "I'm over here, in the puseywillows."

Pete yells back......"Don't swing Big Boy!!! For God sake, DON'T SWING!!!"

:eek:
 
A night on the town after a Southern loss...

Last year after the football game in Baton Rouge there was this little guy, a FAMU grad, sitting in one of the roughest clubs in Scotlandville right next to Southerns campus, drinking his beer, and minding his own business. All of a sudden this great big jag comes in, sees his FAMU tee shirt and -- WHACK!! -- knocks him off the bar stool and onto the floor. The big dude says, "That was a karate chop from Korea."

The little guy thinks "GEEZ, these Jags are crazy and sore losers too" but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again when all of a sudden -- WHACK!! -- the big jag knocks him down AGAIN. This time he says, "That was a judo chop from Japan."

Well, the little guy has had enough of this. He gets up, brushes himself off and quietly leaves. The RATTLER is gone for an hour or so when he returns. Without saying a word, he walks up behind the big dude and -- WHAM!!! -- knocks the jag off his stool, knocking him out cold!!! The little guy looks at the bartender and says, "When he wakes up, tell him that was a crowbar from Sears!!"
 
You know you're an SU alum when.....

Ahhh, those Jags just keep bringing down the property value.........


The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.

You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night..

Jack Daniel's makes your list of "most admired people."

You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

Every port-a-pottie within 3 parishes is parked under your stadium on game day.

Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey watch this."

You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader. (Look out Get Ready :eek:...)

Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

Your junior prom had a day-care.

You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are,"Gentlemen start your engines."

You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

Every port-a-pottie within 3 parishes is parked under your stadium on game day.

The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas is in it..

You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.

One of your kids was born on a pool table.

You need one more hole punched in your card to get freebie at the House of Tattoos.

You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.

Every port-a-pottie within 3 parishes is parked under your stadium on game day.

You think loading a dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

Every port-a-pottie within 3 parishes is parked under your stadium on game day. (Did I say that one already? ;) )
 
We all know what FAMOUS outdoorsmen those Jags are....

Internet Pete was excited about the new rifle he found in front of Mumford and decided to try it out bear hunting. So he went into the woods behind Southern to see if he could kill something. He spotted a small brown bear and shot it.

There was a tap on his shoulder and he turned around to see a big black bear. The black bear said, "That was my cousin, and you've got two choices Petey. Either I maul you to death or we have sex." After considering briefly Internet Pete decided to accede to the latter alternative.

Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Pete eventually recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip where he found the black bear and shot him.

There was another tap on his shoulder. This time a giant grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly said, "That was a huge mistake, Pete. That was my cousin and you've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have rough sex, here and now." Again, Internet Pete thought it was better to cooperate.

Although he survived, it would take several months before Internet Pete finally recovered. Outraged, he headed back to the woods where he managed to track down the grizzly and shot him too. He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder.

He turned around to find a gigantic polar bear standing there.

The polar bear said, "Admit it Pete, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"
 
The women are smart too..........

There was a Black College competition to swim across the English Channel doing only the breaststroke. Just three women entered the race: a RATTLERETTE, a Lady Tiger, and a Jaguar.

After approximately 14 hours the RATTLERETTE staggered up on the shore and was declared the fastest breaststroker.

About 40 minutes later the Lady Tiger crawled up on the shore and was declared to be the second place finisher.

Nearly 48 hours after that, the female Jag finally came ashore and promptly collapsed face down in front of the worried onlookers.

When the reporters asked why it took her so long to complete the race, she replied, "Well....... I don't want to sound like I'm a sore loser, but I think those other two girls were using their arms!!!"

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:eek:
 
The biggest joke yet!!

Hey; I got a REALLY funny joke for ya:
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And now, time for the "Oldies but Goodies"........

A kid came home from Southerns Lab school one day, burst into the house and yelled "Mom, I'm 15 now and I wanna wear a Bra!!!"

The mama Jag said "SHUT-UP RALPH!!!"
 
Trying to pay him off?

1109su.jpg


"Summm-body got embarrassed!!!PULL-EEEEEZZZZEEE DON'T MAKE ME PLAY THEM NO-MO!!!! (snif, sniff!!)"

"How much?"
 
Poor Sports.....................

Awwwwwwwwwwww com-mon Jags;

You KNOW it's funny!!!

And ALL these jokes are based on REAL LIFE Jag experiences........

Be fair, and laff.............
 

Click here to visit HBCUSportsShop
Quote:

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"I was hoping that DA#N CHOLLY wouldn't post here!! Last time I used summa his smack to motivate my mens it kinda BACKFIRED on us........"
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"See what I mean?"
 
Quote:

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"I was hoping that DA#N CHOLLY wouldn't post here!! Last time I used summa his smack to motivate my mens it kinda BACKFIRED on us........"
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"See what I mean?" :bawling:
 
SOG,

Cholly's jokes don't rate a reply. He should have figured that out by now.

But here's a bigger joke:

FAMU football; losers to the Jags 17-14 even with the home grown refs and their home-officiating.

Regards.
 
:emlaugh: :emlaugh: :emlaugh: :emlaugh: :emlaugh: :emlaugh: :emlaugh: :emlaugh: :emlaugh: :emlaugh: :emlaugh: :emlaugh: :emlaugh: :emlaugh: :emlaugh: :emlaugh: :emlaugh: :emlaugh:
 
F'U...Ain't Ishhhhh

<center>
:flamethro :splat:
<h1>
Low
Down
Dirty
Slithering
Belly
Crawling
Snakes...

Jokes on You!!!</h1>

:flamethro :splat:
</center>
 
Re: CHOLLY

Now Cholly,

Was this really necessary. If you gonna wait until the day of the game to post when no one is on the board, you might as well have said you were sked....


Now that my beatup Jags with all our injuries done whipped your slimey snakes down in the cheating snake-pit, now I knows you were sked....


HA HA HA HA

Redemption at last....

<font size=4> 17 points ain't much to be proud of, but it's waaaaaaaay mo than 14. HA HA HA or it is ke ke ke ke ke

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS is SU.
 
I guess these rat-tales (frauds) must wait until next week to get those 500 all time wins. hahaha Then these dirty garden snakes have the audacity to have a dedication for Jake Gaithers when the SUpreme team rolls into to town. What a riddle and a joke. You wont find that in a joke book and the name changes would be quite transparent. Biggest joke of all Florida Evans aka Billy Joe changing game film at the end of the series.
 
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