Abuse


kbSU89

kbSU89

New Member
This is a question for men and women.

Men- Would you expect your SO to completely forgive and forget any physical abuse that you did. Would you expect her to go back to the "way things were", if so how would you make that happen?
If you were truly sorry and got help, would you expect her to try to make things work? Would you understand if she says she forgives you, but things are just not the same to her anymore? Do you think she will ever forget the abuse?


Women-If your SO physically abuses you and he claims that he is sorry, and claims to take anger management, could you completely forgive and forget? If he shows that he is truely trying to get help would you still be the same with him? What could he do to make you be the wife you once were to him? What would be your final choice even if he proves without a doubt that he would not abuse you physically anymore?
 
I don't play that hitting game. If he wants to hit somebody or something, go to the sports store and get a damn punching bag. If a man hits you one time, it's only a matter of time before he hits you again.

Why should it take a woman to threaten to leave before a man decides to get help or do right? He wasn't trying to do right or get help before the threat so do you really think he is sincere in his promise to be a better person?
 



Kellis, What threats to leave are you referring to??? :look:
I coulda sworn that she was saying that HE initiated the fact/action that help should be had. :D

Just because a person does something once does NOT necessarily mean that they will do it again.

For better or for worse, huh? Interesting concept....:)


Was there any kind of provocation, even though mostly everyone would say that "nothing can provoke being hit". Wont' touch that one in here....;)

All in all, there is a big arse GRAY area in EACH of those black & white questions...
 
I never quite understood physical violence or violence period in relationships.

How ironic. Just yesterday I had to go and bail a bud out of jail for a domestic. I couldn't say anything to him after picking him up @ Lew Sterret. Dropped him off @ home (where his lady friend was) and I told both of them that they should seriously be ashamed of themselves. Physically fighting like they're 2 or 3 year olds. Shameful. :shame:

To answer your question baby, no. In my mind, I don't think things would ever be the same. How can someone say they love you one minute and then they're trying to knock your head off the next. :confused: What <b>kind of love is that?</b> :confused: Whatever 'type' of love and admiration that is should be kept where it is. All have memories so it's hard for me to imagine someone "forgetting" about something tragic that occurred to them. <b>"I love you so much until I'mma lay hands and beat your arse!"</b> Hard for me to imagine that.
 
Ntelekt, you never cease to amaze me....

You're correct, she didn't mention leaving. How many times has he physically abused this person? Once, twice, several? If it's been more than once, she would want to get the hell on. I know I wouldn't stick around. I am not about to wonder if he is going to put his hands on me every time we have a disagreement or argument. The vows do say "for better or worse" but God also gave you 5 senses.

~Thinking about when Keith slapped Thelma on Good Times and she forgave him ONCE SHE GOT TO SLAP his arse back.~
 
Well no woman deserves an ass beating. If he does it once, he will do it again. If there was drugs/alcohol involved, there might be a case for treatment. Alot of the time woman beaters are cheaters too.
 
Let's keep this real

Originally posted by Ntelekt
[
For better or for worse, huh? Interesting concept....:)


Was there any kind of provocation, even though mostly everyone would say that "nothing can provoke being hit". Wont' touch that one in here....;)

. [/B]
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Ntelekt

?? What if any, provocation can you list or what would you deem necessary for physical abuse?

I know women can be physically abusive to men, but what would provoke a man to hit a woman for any reason?
 
Re: Ntelekt, you never cease to amaze me....

Originally posted by kellis
You're correct, she didn't mention leaving. How many times has he physically abused this person? Once, twice, several? If it's been more than once, she would want to get the hell on. I know I wouldn't stick around. I am not about to wonder if he is going to put his hands on me every time we have a disagreement or argument. The vows do say "for better or worse" but God also gave you 5 senses.

~Thinking about when Keith slapped Thelma on Good Times and she forgave him ONCE SHE GOT TO SLAP his arse back.~
Click to expand...

Kellis you are so right about if it happens one time, it is more than likely to happen again. In the case I am talking about it was not the first time, just that the last time it happened, he figured out he had a problem, but does not understand why his SO can't love him the way a wife should love.

Not knowing is the worse way to live.
 
Aye, you know me?I have to be objective about this! :D

Yeah, Thelma slapped his azz back, and she was justified in doing so.
An eye for an eye?.no problem.

If she?s verbally abusing dude, you probably feel that retaliating physically is not in order?.fine.
But on the flip side?.if THAT is your stance, than you should also feel that initiating the verbal abuse because a conversation between the two wasn?t going as well as it probably should?ve is ?not in order? too, right? ;)

So?where do you draw the line?
Is it wrong to physically abuse someone, but cool to verbally abuse, if that is your ?weapon of choice??
Will saying ?but I was mad, though? make it all okay???

And lets not EVEN start dialogue on HER HITTING HIM! Many of y?all are quick to say ?hell yeah?she SHOULDA kicked his azz?, so what is that saying?
Because he is man and she is woman makes it different?
What if she is bigger than him...what then?

Think about it...;)
 
Originally posted by 89comSUgrad
This is a question for men and women.

Men- Would you expect your SO to completely forgive and forget any physical abuse that you did. Would you expect her to go back to the "way things were", if so how would you make that happen?
If you were truly sorry and got help, would you expect her to try to make things work? Would you understand if she says she forgives you, but things are just not the same to her anymore? Do you think she will ever forget the abuse?


Women-If your SO physically abuses you and he claims that he is sorry, and claims to take anger management, could you completely forgive and forget? If he shows that he is truely trying to get help would you still be the same with him? What could he do to make you be the wife you once were to him? What would be your final choice even if he proves without a doubt that he would not abuse you physically anymore?
Click to expand...

I would hope that she forgives, but I would not expect her to forget. I wouldn't even expect things to be the way they were, because that event can not be erased. The only thing to do is show by action that one is truly sorry. "love is" is what "love does". Don't talk about being remorseful, be about it.
 
Originally posted by Ntelekt
Aye, you know me?I have to be objective about this! :D

Yeah, Thelma slapped his azz back, and she was justified in doing so.
An eye for an eye?.no problem.

If she?s verbally abusing dude, you probably feel that retaliating physically is not in order?.fine.
But on the flip side?.if THAT is your stance, than you should also feel that initiating the verbal abuse because a conversation between the two wasn?t going as well as it probably should?ve is ?not in order? too, right? ;)

So?where do you draw the line?
Is it wrong to physically abuse someone, but cool to verbally abuse, if that is your ?weapon of choice??
Will saying ?but I was mad, though? make it all okay???

And lets not EVEN start dialogue on HER HITTING HIM! Many of y?all are quick to say ?hell yeah?she SHOULDA kicked his azz?, so what is that saying?
Because he is man and she is woman makes it different?
What if she is bigger than him...what then?

Think about it...;)
Click to expand...

So are you saying verbal abuse warrants physical abuse?

Let be real on what I am talking about. If your SO phycially abuses you because you will not let him have total control over you would you expect her to forgive and should she? The final time the abuse happened was when he realized he had a problem and decided to get "help" and I use that word losely.
Should she stay to work on the relationship, or let him know she forgives him, but can not stay in the relationship anymore?
 
Re: Let's keep this real

Originally posted by 89comSUgrad
Ntelekt

?? What if any, provocation can you list or what would you deem necessary for physical abuse?

I know women can be physically abusive to men, but what would provoke a man to hit a woman for any reason?
Click to expand...

First off, for you to assume that I deem physical abuse necessary is a huge assumption?and a very incorrect one. :)
Actions bring about REACTIONS, whether justifiable or not?but those initial actions HAVE to be accounted for!

As far as the second question goes....WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE????

What would LEGITIMATELY provoke a woman to physically abuse a man?

Physical abuse is physical abuse, right?
Does it matter whether it be a woman OR a man who does it?

If you're making a stance, make it...playing both sides is iffy. :D
 
Re: Let's keep this real

Originally posted by 89comSUgrad

I know women can be physically abusive to men, but what would provoke a man to hit a woman for any reason?
Click to expand...

My cousin is in ICU because he was stabbed by his wife and step-daughter. He should have beat both of their arses, but he is out on parole so he is not trying to go back.
 
The husband's job is to love her as CHRIST loved the church and to PROVIDE for her.

I don't know about anybody else, but when I think of how CHRIST loved the church......he literally GAVE HIS OWN LIFE for it.... That part right there lets me know that I am NOT being loved as Christ didn't harm those people physically or otherwise.


Therefore, if he is NO LONGER doing his job....and the woman has to question why she should stay without guilt....aint no need in being abused....

Now granted, he may have (in this scenario) chosen to get help....that would be fine....just get it and don't come back!
 



Originally posted by 89comSUgrad
So are you saying verbal abuse warrants physical abuse?

Let be real on what I am talking about. If your SO phycially abuses you because you will not let him have total control over you would you expect her to forgive and should she? The final time the abuse happened was when he realized he had a problem and decided to get "help" and I use that word losely.
Should she stay to work on the relationship, or let him know she forgives him, but can not stay in the relationship anymore?
Click to expand...

See, that's a bit different. You added specifics into the situation, which eliminates some gray spots (most of em, anyway :lol: )
That "total control" portion is nothing I can answer, nor will I try.

If she's not gonna stay in the relationship due to the abuse, what's really the point of "forgiving" him for what caused her to leave in the first place?
If shes' leaving...she's really NOT forgiving him, IMO.

Does verbal warrant physical.....no, but does being upset necessarily warrant verbal IN THE FIRST PLACE????

THAT'S my point. :)
 
Re: Re: Let's keep this real

Originally posted by jag4life
My cousin is in ICU because he was stabbed by his wife and step-daughter. He should have beat both of their arses, but he is out on parole so he is not trying to go back.
Click to expand...


But Jag4Life?.he is the MAN, so its? okay that he was stabbed!
If he even laid a single finger on that woman?he is JUST PLAIN WRONG!!! :mad:
 
Originally posted by Ms. Jag4Jag


I don't know about anybody else, but when I think of how CHRIST loved the church......he literally GAVE HIS OWN LIFE for it.... That part right there lets me know that I am NOT being loved as Christ didn't harm those people physically or otherwise.
Click to expand...


Interesting...:)

Have YOU ever loved someone that you verbally abused?

or should I say...

Have YOU ever verbally abused someone you LOVED? ;)
 
Originally posted by Ntelekt
Interesting...:)

Have YOU ever loved someone that you verbally abused?

or should I say...

Have YOU ever verbally abused someone you LOVED? ;)
Click to expand...


This is not about me verbally abusing someone.


This is about a fool thinking he is Mike Tyson on a woman. EVEN the fool who hits the other person SHOULD think, I don't love anybody that I can handle like this....and THAT person should move on. You can't possiblly love someone that you abuse over and over....I can't love nobody who shows me that kind of treatment.
 
Re: Re: Let's keep this real

Originally posted by Ntelekt
First off, for you to assume that I deem physical abuse necessary is a huge assumption?and a very incorrect one. :)
Actions bring about REACTIONS, whether justifiable or not?but those initial actions HAVE to be accounted for!

As far as the second question goes....WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE????

What would LEGITIMATELY provoke a woman to physically abuse a man?

Physical abuse is physical abuse, right?
Does it matter whether it be a woman OR a man who does it?

If you're making a stance, make it...playing both sides is iffy. :D
Click to expand...

Nk-I am not playing both sides, I only made that statement about women being physically abusive before you would make it:D

In my opinion nothing warrants physical abuse be it from a man or a woman. Abuse is abuse whether it's physical or emotional; however putting your hands or any part of your body on anyone for any reason is crossing the line.

My stance is this. If your SO says something and you don't agree, does he have the right to beat you until you say what he wants you to say? Arguments can go one or two ways. Either we are going to agree or we are going to agree to disagree.
 
Originally posted by Ntelekt
See, that's a bit different. You added specifics into the situation, which eliminates some gray spots (most of em, anyway :lol: )
That "total control" portion is nothing I can answer, nor will I try.

If she's not gonna stay in the relationship due to the abuse, what's really the point of "forgiving" him for what caused her to leave in the first place?
If shes' leaving...she's really NOT forgiving him, IMO.

Does verbal warrant physical.....no, but does being upset necessarily warrant verbal IN THE FIRST PLACE????

THAT'S my point. :)
Click to expand...

Really depends on how you argue? Being verbal does not have to be abusive, but can you truly compare it against physical abuse? I guess it depends on what you can handle. Some may handle the verbal abuse because they are being just as abusive;

The forgiving him part really has nothing to do with him, it is about her. She forgives because she frees herself, so she can leave him and forgive.
 
Re: Re: Re: Let's keep this real

Originally posted by 89comSUgrad
My stance is this. If your SO says something and you don't agree, does he have the right to beat you until you say what he wants you to say?
Click to expand...
Any woman who stays in THAT situation needs help HERSELF.
 
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