No matter, how long you are married, it is still a full time job. I compare marriage to the Goose Theory. If you train a Goose one day; when the Goose wake up the next day you have to re-train. So the Goose Theory is you cannot train a Goose to do anything because a Goose always wake up to a brand new day. How do I compare marriage to the Goose Theory. Each day marriage is a challenge; yesterday was just that yesterday. In a marriage from the time you get up in the morning until you go to bed at night many things change. Things that both think are not important are really important and should be noted. . For example, just last night, I was accused of not telling her that a friend of ours had been sick. Not only did I tell her, but her friend told her. Now in a marriage you have to avoid going down that road because something else is the issue. So it is best not to argue or prove who is right or wrong.
Most people think that because they are married, they don't have to pay attention to the hits their spouse take. One school of thought is that if you don't start nothing there won't be nothing. Early in the marriage I received a call from of my spouse Co-Worker (male) concerning carpooling. I told my wife that she could not participate in carpooling. She informed the group and this fellow had the nerve to call me. After I got through with him, he understood. My point is you always have to pay attention to details. As I read your comments, it appears that you want all the problems solved before you get married. It is not going to happened. No matter who you marry, you will have to work 24/7 and keep putting that log on the fire. Because if you don't somebody will put it on for you. Don't get head over hills in debt. This can be a major problem.
You know you better crank up the heat, when you hear:
You are not paying me attention.
Spending time on the phone.
Excessive trips to the Mall.
There is always someone waiting for the right moment.