SANFORD and SON


Rollo: "Hey Pops, this is a six-shooter Man!"

Fred: "I don't care if it shoots a hundred times and then start throwing bricks! I don't want a gun in my house!" :lol:
 
Grady: "Woody, I'm tellin ya, she'll be eating out the palms of your hands."

Woody says something to Grady.

Grady: "Woody just wash your hands, and get over here."

NICE
 

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D-Nice,

I believe you and I could go on Jeopardy and win! Especially if the whole show was about Sanford and Son! :lol: :tup:


Remember when Lamont got stood up at the altar and his uncle was talking to him.

"I said to myself, I bet he feels like a real dummy standing up there. Cause that what you looked like son, a real dummy." :lol:
 
SLT said:
D-Nice,

I believe you and I could go on Jeopardy and win! Especially if the whole show was about Sanford and Son! :lol: :tup:


Remember when Lamont got stood up at the altar and his uncle was talking to him.

"I said to myself, I bet he feels like a real dummy standing up there. Cause that what you looked like son, a real dummy." :lol:
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You're probably right.

Whenever my dad, and I do something stupid, or messed up, we would always recite that line to the other. He had hip replacement surgery 2 weeks ago, and I called the hospital to see how he was doing, but he was so doped up on morphine that I couldn't understand what he was babbling about. So when he got out of the hospital, and in his right mind, I told him "I bet you looked like a real dummy, babbling to the nurses, and doctors, cuz that what you sounded like, a real dummy." Of course, I got cursed out, but we had a good laugh over it.

"You gon do what? I wish y'all try to cut my phone off, I'd hang my foot up ya.......hello???

NICE
 
D-NICE said:
He had hip replacement surgery 2 weeks ago, and I called the hospital to see how he was doing, but he was so doped up on morphine that I couldn't understand what he was babbling about. So when he got out of the hospital, and in his right mind, I told him "I bet you looked like a real dummy, babbling to the nurses, and doctors, cuz that what you sounded like, a real dummy." Of course, I got cursed out, but we had a good laugh over it.

NICE
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:lol:



"Woodrow, put that bottle down before I unscrew your wrist!"
 
D-NICE said:
"You gon do what? I wish y'all try to cut my phone off, I'd hang my foot up ya.......hello???

NICE
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Bruh, y'all got me over here biting my lip to stifle my laughing; these mofos gonna report me to HR I just know it.

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
 
When Fred pretended he only had 6 months to live. He thought he was gonna meet Lena Horne and they sent Esther in her place dressed in a bathrobe and curlers.


Fred: "This isn't my Lena, this is somebody's hyena!" :lmao:
 
Fred was very jealous of Donna's patient who had a crush on her. Lamont goes," He's the LAME with the DAME, and you're the CHUMP with the RUMP".
 
JagBR said:
Fred was very jealous of Donna's patient who had a crush on her. Lamont goes," He's the LAME with the DAME, and you're the CHUMP with the RUMP".
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Man you stole that right off of my fingertips.

SLT, I think it's time to stop, I've been thinking about S&S one liners all morning, "You ol fish eyed fool.":winkgrin:

Big T, sorry bruh, but I've been laughing just thinking about the funny stuff that was said on that show.

Fred talking to Lamont, in the pool table episode: "I can't afford to keep feeding them big bellies.....Skillet comes into the kitchen, and get's the broom to use some straw for a toothpick......Oh no Lamont, now they're eating my broom."

NICE
 
Aunt Esther: Fred Sanford why is it every time I come over to your house you call me ugly?
Fred: Because I'm not the type to lie.

Aunt Esther: Fred Sanford, the wrath of God will strike you down.
Fred: And this Louisville slugger will knock you out.
 
Remember when Fred read his last will and testament (I'm paraphrasing):

"And to my sister-in-law Esther, who I've defiled in anger, injured in speech, chastized in jest, I leave her......... ALONE."

:lol:
 
D-NICE said:
Man you stole that right off of my fingertips.

SLT, I think it's time to stop, I've been thinking about S&S one liners all morning, "You ol fish eyed fool.":winkgrin:

Big T, sorry bruh, but I've been laughing just thinking about the funny stuff that was said on that show.

Fred talking to Lamont, in the pool table episode: "I can't afford to keep feeding them big bellies.....Skillet comes into the kitchen, and get's the broom to use some straw for a toothpick......Oh no Lamont, now they're eating my broom."

NICE
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"You old HEATHEN", Oh Glory!
 
D-NICE said:
SLT, I think it's time to stop, I've been thinking about S&S one liners all morning, "You ol fish eyed fool.":winkgrin:
NICE
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:lol:
The pool table when Leroy and the gang would never go home.
Fred: "Them bellies are home grown, and they should grow'em at home!"

Fred: "Don't suck your teeth Grady. Here, take the straw, take the whole broom, but don't suck your teeth Grady, hea!"


Fred when he came home from St. Louis with gifts.
Esther: "This ain't nothing but a piece of cellophane."
Fred: "Hold it up to your face. That's your Halloween mask!"

When Fred hired a new helper.Fred: "Gee Mo Netti, that is one ugly picture."
Norman: O"h, I took that early in the morning."
Fred: "Look, if you're this ugly early in the morning, you're this ugly late at night!"
 
Lamont: This is a pea coat.
Bubba: Did you know that when you bought it?

Lamont: You're a dirty old man ya know that?
Fred: And I'm gonna be one 'till I'm a dead old man

Fred: Goodbye, dear
Aunt Esther: Oh, you called me dear.
Fred: Why shouldn't I call you DEER? You look like Bambi's father!
 
Ice Man said:
Fred: Goodbye, dear
Aunt Esther: Oh, you called me dear.
Fred: Why shouldn't I call you DEER? You look like Bambi's father!
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:lmao::lmao:



"Freddie, Freddie Sanford, father of this dummy here!"

"You've got a good head on your shoulders. Wanna see it on the floor!"



Ya'll killing me today! :emlaugh:
 

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What about the episode with the 2 chicks from Detroit. Lamont and Rollo couldn't handle them but Fred showed them with a true playa could do with Onion Stew and Ripple (or bougeulipple or something like that)...............

There was the episode where Fred, Grady, and Bubba went on "Let's Make A Deal" to get a birthday present for Lamont".....................

If someone hadn't already mentioned it, who couldn't forget big Betty Jean whom Fred tried to hook Lamont up with.....

man I could be all day with favorite episodes..........
 
BulldogM.Ed.23 said:
man I could be all day with favorite episodes..........
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I would advise you not to start, because you see the rest of us are addicted! :lol: :bawling:
 
Officer Hopkins: How do you spell that, Honkey?
Fred: Uh Y T!
Officer Hopkins: Y T?
Fred: Yeah! Say it again!
Officer Hopkins: Y T Y T...
Fred: Whitey!

Fred at Lamon't wedding.
Fred: Look at the family: buncha jive n_ggers.
Lamont: Pop!
 
Grady: Woody, what are you? A man, or a cream puff?

Woody: Give me a drink Grady, and I'll tell ya......Woody gets the drink, and gulps it down, and says.....a maaaan.


Grady: Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. (while holding back the liquor)

Woody: Wha chu talkin bout Grady?

Grady: Fred left me in charge, and he told me not to give anybody any of his liquor, especially Woody da Whino.

Woody: Aw come on Grady, I just need a little tidy for my body.

Grady: Woody, your body is so shoddy, you don't need no tidy.


Lamont: Pop, what's this?

Fred: I mixed some champagne, with a fifth of a Ripple, for a little concoction I like to call, Champipple.


See y'all got me doing it again.

NICE
 
Fred: Polly Esther....that's you. Half woman, Half Parrot.

Melvin: Did you listen to your father?
Fred: Everytime he raised that strap, he had my complete attention.
 
:lmao:

I going to quit fooling with all ya'll. :lol: :bawling:


Okay, this is my last one! :redhot:

Lamont: "What are you wearing?"

Fred: "It's a smoking jacket, you got something to smoke!" :emlaugh:


Fred: "White dentist please!"

Fred when he went to see BB King at Club Lucifer when he passed the table with the one white guy at the table with the black people.

"Hey man, what you doing with them?"

"Hey Mama, look at sis, out in the backyard........." :lol:
 
Okay I promise this is my last one,

But do you all remember when Fred, Lamont, and Julio went to a Mexican restaurant and Fred was acting ignorant as usual:

Julio: (motions to a mexican waiter) "el Negro!"

Fred:What did you call him???

Julio:el Negro

Fred:He don't look like no Negroe to me!!!

**30 minutes later, Fred is by himself after pissing Lamont and Julio off**

Fred: (motions to the same mexican waiter) "Hey Negroe come here"
 
Fred using his hand to say someone was gay. :lmao:

Two more and I'm done. :lol:

Robber: You're coming with us!
Fred: No I'm not.
(Robber puts gun to Fred's head)
Fred: Hell, I'll do the driving and chip in on the gas. :lmao:

Esther: My sister Elizabeth was pure as the driven snow.
Fred: and you're looking at the only driver.
 
We need our butts beat for knowing all of this! :lol:


Nurse: "Tuck it in."
Fred: "I'll tuck mine in if you'll tuck yours in!"


Fred when he went to bury Uncle Leotis.

Fred:"I just be damn!" "I knew it was some reason I didn't like that clown!"
Lamont: "Pop, I thought you said he was your favorite uncle?"
Fred: "I didn't like him or his mama! He looked like a fried monkey in the face! Had an old flat peanut shaped head and everytime it rained he had a big puddle of water in the middle of it!" :lol:
 
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