As I was reading the replies to this thread tonight and laughing at some of Cee's response's, my wife comes in and says in a nice even keeled voice that she wants me to write down the number of hours I spend on the computer. Then write down the number of hours I spend with our sons. Then write down the number of hours I spend studying(I'm back in school). The number of hours I spend working and in class. Finally she says to write down the number of hours that I spend with her. Then she turns and walks out of the office. I didn't write anything down but I knew what she was getting at. That she feels really insignificant in my life. I'm gonna be honest, I ain't built for marriage. And not that I cheat or anything like that but the nurturing and maintenance required to keep a marriage healthy and sustained is not in me. Don't get me wrong she is a great wife,mother,daughter,sister,friend, co-worker, employee,cousin, Aunt and etc. She drives everyday to the park and ride and catches a bus for an hour to Greenway 5 for work. Then she rides the same bus for another hour back to the park and ride to return home. She is loved by her bosses and always exceeds expectations at the job. She makes enogh money to live comfortably apart from me. She cooks 7 days a week and tries to take Friday off but she will end up cooking anyway. She's self motivated, loves life and worships the ground that I walk on. Every Saturday she cleans the house from top to bottom. She washes clothes, grocery shops and somewhere in between she gets her hair done or she'll do it herself. She's President of the Homeowner's Association and the team mom for me and my son's AAU team. She gives and constantly gives every ounce of herself to make me and my sons comfortable and I constantly let my sons know that they'll be lucky to have a wife like mine. By no means do I require her to do all the things that she does but if I ask her to do something it's as good as done. So why do I buck against marriage??? And I do!!...............I ain't meeting her halfway. I see all of the things that she does and I figure if I were to do a lot of the things that she does it would be just because she's doing it. I cannot be a robot and keep my sanity. Now, I do what I do when I do it. Don't get me wrong. I ain't no deadbeat but I ain't on nobody's schedule but my own(realitively). I am a person of many thoughts and to have to yield my way of thinking to appease someone else is a compromise I cannot make. Marriage strips you of who you are individually. We came together naturally BUT let's get this piece of paper with both of our names on it plus the date and prove to ourselves and the world that we are in love. Only thing is when it's time to go your separate ways shiiid ain't gonna be nothing natural about that. You gotta go before the judge!! How natural is that??You see the other side of love is hate and the other side of marriage is divorce and all are at play in this world we live in. If I wanna be with you, I'm gonna be with you. If you wanna be with me, then be with me. When and if we decide that we don't want to be together anymore should there be a 3rd party to decide how this should be done?? Why should I have to bite my tongue and not say what's really on my mind?? For the sake of peace in the house? Why does every move I make have to be scrutinized or commented on or questions asked......... Honestly I don't think I could have picked a better wife but I feel so boxed in;So limited!!! I come and go as I please. I do what I want when I want despite the scrutiny. She'll say what's on her mind and I say mine and it's over. Never loud or anything like that. She is allowed to be who she is. I give her that space. But she will not take it. Her happiness is tied to me and the world that we have created. She revels in the concept of marriage and the security it affords. She's comfortable. A few years ago we had a conversation and I asked what would she do if she found out I was cheating. She said she would forgive me eventually and that she would fight to save our marriage. I said if it were reversed that I wouldn't fight. She didn't like that response and every now and then I have to hear about that from her. Now I'm saying all of this but I am married and I love my wife. Contradictory for sure but it is what it is. If you were to ask her about me she'll tell you that I am a good father,son, friend,brother,uncle, neighbor, employee,student and that everyone seems to like me. But notice I LEFT OFF HUSBAND!! She says I changed when we got married. I say marriage changed me. I adored her when we dated. But it felt pure then. The law had nothing to do with it!!!!!.......I hope I don't sound bitter beacuse I'm not and I made a committment to her so if nothing crazy happens, I'm in it to win it.
