Dear Suge : A SWACpage advice column!


Suge

Suge

The Phat Mack
Okay people, I am starting to see that some of you people are flat out idiots. And I have also become aware that many of you women are living in fantasy worlds when it comes to how you view men. And some of you dudes are just flat out punks and let these women run you over. So in an effort to better help you live your lives, I am here to provide you with sage words of wisdom and advice that you can't get anywhere else.

So tell Abby to kiss my Fat Arse, it is time for

Dear Suge........
:bowdown:
 
Dear Suge....

I bought my girlfriend a car and a cell phone....I never see her anymore, she is out all times of the night, and I can never get her on the phone. She has caller ID, so I know she can see its me. Last night she came home round 3 smelling like coast...we only use ivory. What is the problem? Should I have bought her the car. And what are these strange numbers on this cell phone bill. Should I call them to see who answers?

Sign...totally lost
 

Dear Suge:

I was watching Oprah last night and....

The shows topic was based on communication between men and women. Basically they stated that the women wanted men to open up and be "in touch" with his feelings and share them with the woman. On the flip side, the men said they didn't mind sharing their feelings but decided against it because the women nag too much or they don't validate what the man feels. They all seem to want to still feel like a man after sharing their thoughts but because the women wanted to "correct them" or "show them why their plan is bad", they decided to shut down and keep their thoughts to themselves.

What do you think Mr. Pres-O-Dent? :D
 
Dear Suge,

I got home early and found my man shaving his legs with my dixie razor. Should I be alarmed?
 
Originally posted by Get Ready
Dear Suge....

I bought my girlfriend a car and a cell phone....I never see her anymore, she is out all times of the night, and I can never get her on the phone. She has caller ID, so I know she can see its me. Last night she came home round 3 smelling like coast...we only use ivory. What is the problem? Should I have bought her the car. And what are these strange numbers on this cell phone bill. Should I call them to see who answers?

Sign...totally lost
Click to expand...

This is sad, and I fear that there may be no hope for you. See you are one of those punks that lets a woman run over him. You mean you actually bought her a car and a phone? I bet you watch Oprah too huh? Dayum man.....but okay enough of that, let me help you.

Well if you were smart, the car is in your name right? Tell her that she needs to drop it off so you can get the oil changed. then just don't ever give her the keys back. Explain to the trife arse woman that she needs to call one of those numbers on her "former" cell phone bill and see if they can give her a ride because her days of pimping you like a 2 dollar hooker(because that is what you are) are over. She will beg, whine, andmaon and try to trick you into staying, but whatever you do. Don't take her back. Kick her arse to the curb. But if she jumps bad(and she will because you are a punk) let her take the keys, then call and report the car as stolen and let the law pick her arse up. When they ask if she is your girl, just tell the truth.....we just broke up!

Now if the car is in her name, Just stop paying the bill. It's her credit, not your problem!

Stop being a punk and be a dayum man for a change. You can't let some woman run you over like that man! The only way you take this woman back is if she is cheating on you with other women. Then tell her she has to at least let you watch of she wants to keep that cell phone!
 
Dear Suge,

The ole wife is tripping again and yesterday while packing I ran up on my old black book. Should I dust it off?

Sign.. Panthro's twin
 
Originally posted by Ms. Jag4Jag
Dear Suge:

I was watching Oprah last night and....

The shows topic was based on communication between men and women. Basically they stated that the women wanted men to open up and be "in touch" with his feelings and share them with the woman. On the flip side, the men said they didn't mind sharing their feelings but decided against it because the women nag too much or they don't validate what the man feels. They all seem to want to still feel like a man after sharing their thoughts but because the women wanted to "correct them" or "show them why their plan is bad", they decided to shut down and keep their thoughts to themselves.

What do you think Mr. Pres-O-Dent? :D
Click to expand...

You problem is simple. Stop watching Oprah. I have said it hundreds of times that this chic doesn't know a dayum thing about relationships! She has been the ruin of plenty good relationships because you people listenher like she is the gospel on men. Where is her man? Besides, why do you people always want some man to "open up?" As a man the only things I need to be able to open is doors and beer cans. notice how those dudes were happy until some woman started nagging them about feelings and isht like that. She was wasting time with questions when she should have been fixing him some dinner.

So to answer your question. Stop watching Oprah and you will be fine.
 
Originally posted by JSU*Toi
Dear Suge,

I got home early and found my man shaving his legs with my dixie razor. Should I be alarmed?
Click to expand...

He was doing what??!?!?!?! Okay unless that man was about have some type of surgery. You need to run like the wind. because if you don't, next thing you know he'll want to start getting in touch with his sensitive side and wanting to see "how it feels to wear a thong."

I bet you I can tell you, his name is Dante' or Antoine isn't it, and I bet he can sing his arse off. How many gospel chiors is he in?

Run like the wind Toi.......RUN!!
 
Originally posted by Miami Jag
Dear Suge,

The ole wife is tripping again and yesterday while packing I ran up on my old black book. Should I dust it off?

Sign.. Pantro's twin
Click to expand...

I would say NO................ Don't use the old black book. That is too easy to trace. You need to start a new black book. See the problem with these old chics is they know you too well. You need a new sideline broad(s), one who head you can fill with all types of bullish about how unhappy you are at home and how you wish you could leave your wofe, but have to stay for your kids. She will think you are soo sensitive. See this way when things are good at home, you don't have to worry bout her callingand trippi, because she already knows the deal.

Pimpin ain't easy man, that is exactly why I am a ho_! Wouldn't you like to be a ho_ too?
 
Dear Suge,

I've had this discussion with my crazed group of friends, both male and female. Do you men feel sexy? Not saying that you are gay or whatever, but just the fact. We women know when we are getting ready, peeping in the mirror and isht, that we are on point, feeling sexy, or whatever. Whether it's getting ready for a hot date or a hot night at home, is is right or wrong for a guy to feel sexy?
 
But Suge...I paid cash for the car and it is in her name free and clear....

I dont want to put her out...Can I hurt her like that? Wouldnt that run her to her other man?
 
Originally posted by Blacknbengal
Dear Suge,

What is a zygote?
Click to expand...

A Zygote is the cousin of a billy goat. It is called a zygote, because in some parts of the world it is taught to play the xylophone.

Hence the name Zy-Gote.
 
Originally posted by Miami Jag
Dear Suge,

The ole wife is tripping again and yesterday while packing I ran up on my old black book. Should I dust it off?

Sign.. Pantro's twin
Click to expand...

Aw hell. This bah gotz skillz!!!! :emlaugh:
 

Originally posted by Blacknbengal


????:confused:??????
Click to expand...

You are confused....

Okay when was the last time you went to a church choir function and didn't see a gay man?

And how many punks do you know named Dante or Twan?

Happy now?
 
Originally posted by ms.sonic96
Dear Suge,

I've had this discussion with my crazed group of friends, both male and female. Do you men feel sexy? Not saying that you are gay or whatever, but just the fact. We women know when we are getting ready, peeping in the mirror and isht, that we are on point, feeling sexy, or whatever. Whether it's getting ready for a hot date or a hot night at home, is is right or wrong for a guy to feel sexy?
Click to expand...

Men don't feel sexy. That word is should not be in a man;s vocab when describing how he views himself. You can say "dayum I look good" or "I'm one fine mofo"! But the only men that would look in a mirror and say "Dayum I feel sexy.." are men like the one Toi caught shaving his legs!
 
Dear Mr. Suge:

I got this problem. I post on this one site on the net where the SINGLE females be on there trippin'! Trying to <b>front</b> like they this that and the other. But all along, they don't realize that we men are WAY ahead of the game.

How can we men tactifully tell these women :rolleyes: that we know them inside and out? Should we even disclose that we've already peeped their game? Don't these females know that the game they're playing was created by we men? :confused:

Signed, pointing out the <b>fronters</b>
 
Originally posted by Get Ready
But Suge...I paid cash for the car and it is in her name free and clear....

I dont want to put her out...Can I hurt her like that? Wouldnt that run her to her other man?
Click to expand...

If you didn't want help, why did you ask? But let me tell you what I tell any punk arse man like yourself that doesn't want to hear the truth........

You are right GR. Don't put her out. She is just confused right now. All those other dudes she is cheating with, she is just expressiong some emotional damage that maybe happened duringher childhood. What you should do is just keep loving her. Don't question her about anything, and believe whatever she tells you. Matter of fact, that car you bought her isn't enough. You should propose to her, and buy her a house will all new furniture. And then if she still is cheating on you, start watching Oprah with her, and then just love her some more. She will stop one day, I promise, In the meantime, maybe you should buy her a bigger car.....
 
Originally posted by Panthro
Dear Mr. Suge:

I got this problem. I post on this one site on the net where the SINGLE females be on there trippin'! Trying to <b>front</b> like they this that and the other. But all along, they don't realize that we men are WAY ahead of the game.

How can we men tactifully tell these women :rolleyes: that we know them inside and out? Should we even disclose that we've already peeped their game? Don't these females know that the game they're playing was created by we men? :confused:

Signed, pointing out the <b>fronters</b>
Click to expand...

Pison, errr Panthro my man. That was one of my life's missions to point out to these silly women that no one is falling for their propoganda but themselves. But as I have learned, it is just a waste of your good breath, because women like living in their own little myopic worlds where they are always right, always the victims, and all of their problems are caused by men.

So I am adopting the "girlfriends policy". I will just cosign what ever those people say, and then just laugh at them behind their backs. Sort of like I did with GR above....
 
Originally posted by ms.sonic96
Dear Suge,

What do you want for dinner?
Click to expand...

Well what I really want is fried chicken smothered in gravy, with some homemade biscuits, syrup with butter, and rice with some gravy made straight from the grease with onions all in it!

But I will take some baked/grilled samon, corn, sweet peas,a nd rice.
 
Originally posted by CSU*NJ
Mr. Pres-O-Dent:

Have you ever dropped your kane during your tenure?
Click to expand...

Frankly, I am offended by such a question. See NJ, this advice column is meant to help you live a better life. How does this information help you?

But just just to show you...Hell NO. Never Have - Never will
 
Dear Suge,

I was watching the history channel the other night, and I saw a documentary on a couple of countries that were stupid enough to elect a woman to lead them. These two countries also depend on us constantly for defense and foreign aid. I don't think that women are incapable of leadership, I think that they are incapable of "effective and functional" leadership. For example, the average female Rocket Scientist at NASA lacks the same level of "common sense" that the average male Gas station attendant has.
Their lack of common sense and ability to make intelligent decisions affects their judgement, which validates the "Parking Brake" theory.

What are your thoughts on the previously mentioned ??
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top