Wednesday Humor


Fortitude

Fortitude

Sybarite
Welfare

A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the
counter and says, "Hi... You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd
really rather have a job."

The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We
just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a
chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac daughter.

You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your
clothes.

Because of the long hours, meals will be provided.
You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips.
You will have to satisfy her sexual urges.
You'll have a two-bedroom apartment above the garage.
The starting salary is $200,000 a year".

The guy says, "You're bull****tin' me!"

The social worker says, "Yeah, well, you started it."
 
because i work in family assistance....that ish is funny as h$ll and i am spreading it aroud the office as i write. :lmao:
 



Good one.

Here is another one.

Group Therapy

A Licensed Counselor was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children...
"You all have obsessions," he observed.
To the first mother, he said, > "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."
He turned to the second Mom. "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."
He turns to the third Mom. "Your obsession is alcohol. This too manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."
At this point, the fourth mother gets up, takes her little boy by the hand and whispers, "Come on, Dick, we're leaving."
 
cat daddy said:
Good one.

Here is another one.

Group Therapy

A Licensed Counselor was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children...
"You all have obsessions," he observed.
To the first mother, he said, > "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."
He turned to the second Mom. "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."
He turns to the third Mom. "Your obsession is alcohol. This too manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."
At this point, the fourth mother gets up, takes her little boy by the hand and whispers, "Come on, Dick, we're leaving."
Click to expand...
Now that's Funny :lmao:
 
cat daddy said:
Good one.

Here is another one.

Group Therapy

A Licensed Counselor was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children...
"You all have obsessions," he observed.
To the first mother, he said, > "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."
He turned to the second Mom. "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."
He turns to the third Mom. "Your obsession is alcohol. This too manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."
At this point, the fourth mother gets up, takes her little boy by the hand and whispers, "Come on, Dick, we're leaving."
Click to expand...
HAAAAAAAAAAAAH

I already heard the first one. That hits home in my line of work.
 
This is a story about a popular young Baptist preacher, who on Sunday morning announces to the congregation that he will not renew his contract, & is moving on to a larger congregation that will pay him more. There is a hush. No one wants him to leave.
Bubba, who owns several car dealerships, stands up & announces, "If the preacher stays, I'll provide him with a new sedan every year, & his lovely wife with a minivan, to transport their children!" The congregation sighs, & applauds.
Billy Bob, the entrepreneur & investor, stands & says, "If the preacher stays, I'll double his salary, & establish a foundation to guarantee the college education of his children!!" More sighs & applauses.
Ms. Ella May, 70, stands & announces, "If the preacher stays, I'll give him SEX!!" There is a hush. The preacher, blushing, asks, "Ms. Ella May, whatever possessed you to say that?" Ms. Ella May answers, "I just asked my husband how we could help, & He said....... F* him!
 
Thursday Humor

A popular young Baptist preacher one Sunday morning told the congregation that he would not renew his contract, and he was moving on to a larger congregation that would pay him more. There was a hush. No one wanted him to leave.

Bubba, who owns several car dealerships, stands up and announces, "If the
preacher stays, I'll provide him with a new sedan every year, and his lovely
wife with a minivan, to transport their children!" The congregation sighs,
and applauds.

Billy Bob, the entrepreneur and investor, stands and says, "If the preacher
stays, I'll double his salary, and establish a foundation to guarantee the
college education of his children!!" More sighs and applauses.

Mrs. Ella May, age 70, stands and announces, "If the preacher
stays, I'll give him SEX!!"

There is a hush. The preacher, blushing, asks, "Mrs. Ella May,
whatever possessed you to say that?"

Ms. Ella May answers, "I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said, 'F**k him!'"
 
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