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http://www.clarionledger.com/news/0212/01/lsid.html
December 1, 2002
Ronald McDonald owes me big time
By Sid Salter
ssalter@clarionledger.com
NEWS FLASH: A New York trial lawyer has finally tapped into the mother lode, or perhaps more accurately, the mother "load." He's filed a class action lawsuit against McDonald's on behalf of New York children who have suffered health problems, including diabetes, high blood pressure and obesity.
In U.S. District Court in Manhattan on Nov. 20, trial lawyer Samuel Hirsch alleged that the nation's best known fast-food chain created a national epidemic of obese children through offering cheap food ? albeit food high in fat, sugar and cholesterol ? and enticements including plastic toys in the "Happy Meals."
For their part, McDonald's points to the fact that it maintains posters in all restaurants that list the nutritional content of the items on its menu. Among the plaintiffs in the New York lawsuit are parents who say they didn't know cheeseburgers and fries were bad for you and that they didn't see the posters.
They want McDonald's to pay up for the fact that their children are shopping in the Husky department at Sears ? that and all that mental anguish business.
My ship has come in
NEWS FLASH II: I'm rich, I'm rich, I'm rich!!! After a year of writing in favor of tort reform, it seems my ship has come in. Perhaps I was wrong and all these trial lawyers whining on their TV ads are right.
Can I sue McDonald's? Let's take stock:
Am I fat? Check. That's easy.
Mental anguish? Lord, yes, every time I start climbing a deer stand or trying to get over a four-strand barbed-wire fence.
Diabetes? High blood pressure? High cholesterol? Check. Check. Check.
Did I eat Big Macs, Quarter Pounders, and fries? Check. By the truckload. More often than not, "Supersized" it as well.
Did my mom and dad take me to McDonald's? Not as much as I wanted to go, but yes. Massaged my throat, made me swallow those burgers.
Parental guidance?
When Mickey D's was giving away the Teenie Beanie Babies with the Happy Meals when Kate was about seven, I think Paula and I ate like 19 of the things in one afternoon while frantically trying to get one certain Teenie Beanie for our little bundle of joy, but I digress.
Did McDonald's entice me? Yeah, buddy. With that song, still stuck in my head since the '70s: "Two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun."
Heck, I wish they could make a Thanksgiving turkey out of about 17 Big Macs. Leftover Big Macs would taste a lot better than that turkey hash concoction my mother used to make, bless her frugal heart.
So now that I'm a much larger shell of my former self, shooting up with insulin and gulping down that handful of pills each day, let's sue McDonald's for about, oh, I don't know, a gazillion dollars in actual damages, two gazillion in punitive damages to "send a message" and another five gazillion in non-economic damages to pay me back for the mental anguish.
If I'm lucky, maybe I can go eat at a McDonald's in Jefferson County or Holmes County and really hit paydirt. Surely McDonald's should pay me because I overate and it impacted my health. Isn't that how it works? Hirsch would call me a victim.
Of course, this tort reform stuff I've been advocating may ruin my chance at instant, undeserved wealth ? which could really cause me mental anguish.
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December 1, 2002
Ronald McDonald owes me big time
By Sid Salter
ssalter@clarionledger.com
NEWS FLASH: A New York trial lawyer has finally tapped into the mother lode, or perhaps more accurately, the mother "load." He's filed a class action lawsuit against McDonald's on behalf of New York children who have suffered health problems, including diabetes, high blood pressure and obesity.
In U.S. District Court in Manhattan on Nov. 20, trial lawyer Samuel Hirsch alleged that the nation's best known fast-food chain created a national epidemic of obese children through offering cheap food ? albeit food high in fat, sugar and cholesterol ? and enticements including plastic toys in the "Happy Meals."
For their part, McDonald's points to the fact that it maintains posters in all restaurants that list the nutritional content of the items on its menu. Among the plaintiffs in the New York lawsuit are parents who say they didn't know cheeseburgers and fries were bad for you and that they didn't see the posters.
They want McDonald's to pay up for the fact that their children are shopping in the Husky department at Sears ? that and all that mental anguish business.
My ship has come in
NEWS FLASH II: I'm rich, I'm rich, I'm rich!!! After a year of writing in favor of tort reform, it seems my ship has come in. Perhaps I was wrong and all these trial lawyers whining on their TV ads are right.
Can I sue McDonald's? Let's take stock:
Am I fat? Check. That's easy.
Mental anguish? Lord, yes, every time I start climbing a deer stand or trying to get over a four-strand barbed-wire fence.
Diabetes? High blood pressure? High cholesterol? Check. Check. Check.
Did I eat Big Macs, Quarter Pounders, and fries? Check. By the truckload. More often than not, "Supersized" it as well.
Did my mom and dad take me to McDonald's? Not as much as I wanted to go, but yes. Massaged my throat, made me swallow those burgers.
Parental guidance?
When Mickey D's was giving away the Teenie Beanie Babies with the Happy Meals when Kate was about seven, I think Paula and I ate like 19 of the things in one afternoon while frantically trying to get one certain Teenie Beanie for our little bundle of joy, but I digress.
Did McDonald's entice me? Yeah, buddy. With that song, still stuck in my head since the '70s: "Two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun."
Heck, I wish they could make a Thanksgiving turkey out of about 17 Big Macs. Leftover Big Macs would taste a lot better than that turkey hash concoction my mother used to make, bless her frugal heart.
So now that I'm a much larger shell of my former self, shooting up with insulin and gulping down that handful of pills each day, let's sue McDonald's for about, oh, I don't know, a gazillion dollars in actual damages, two gazillion in punitive damages to "send a message" and another five gazillion in non-economic damages to pay me back for the mental anguish.
If I'm lucky, maybe I can go eat at a McDonald's in Jefferson County or Holmes County and really hit paydirt. Surely McDonald's should pay me because I overate and it impacted my health. Isn't that how it works? Hirsch would call me a victim.
Of course, this tort reform stuff I've been advocating may ruin my chance at instant, undeserved wealth ? which could really cause me mental anguish.
Send this article as a postcard
