Rest in Peace?


ATLJag

ATLJag

Active Member
Just wanted to get some thoughts on this since it has been bothering me for a minute.

Let's say you have a relative that for whatever reason their immediate family isn't really given the opportunity to speak at their funeral or present their version of that person's life. In the meantime, the relative's friends or associates that do speak paint a very different version than what you know about the person. At that moment, should you speak at the funeral and tell the truth about the person, or just let it go?
 



Death is something that no matter how we think we are ready for it, we are not. Sure we all know folks that got some ways that aren't the best, but sometimes in life you have to take a back seat and understand what being humble is about. Everyone has some good in them, at the time of death it is best to reflect on the better things in life, rather then negative things. Regardless of how good or bad a person is, someone still loves that person because he or she is someones sister, brother, mother, father, child, niece, grandchild, nephew, or cousin. One thing about death is we all have to take that walk one day. One day someone who is near and dear to us will leave this earth, it is only then do we understand what death is and how it affects ones life. When that casket closes and you will know longer see your love one, or that special person you enter a whole new phase in life.
 
Here's the deal:

When my aunt passed, the people at her funeral kept calling her "Rev. Jane Doe" (although she was not yet ordained and probably never preached a sermon in her life) and painted her as a saint. One person even had the nerve to say that she was the "one that was set apart" in our family even though this person didn't even know our family and we didn't know her. The Aunt Jane Doe that I knew up until her death was a crook who tried to swindle some of our family members and who refused to speak to my mother. She also refused to call my other aunt while she was in the hospital even though my aunt was only about 10 minutes away and could have easily gotten to her. When I look back at it, I feel like I should have gotten up at the funeral and spoke on behalf of the family to set the record straight about the woman that they thought they knew.

What really irked me was that these people also acted like she was the first preacher in the family even though she was the daughter of a preacher and the funeral was in one of the churches that my grandfather preached in. Therefore, she was not the first "Rev. Doe" as they mistakenly assumed. Those sorry mfs didn't even put a slot in the program for her two children to speak or give a proper eulogy. Some jacklegged preacher that she was in cahoots with (that we also didn't know) gave some half-behind version of her life that definitely wasn't accurate.
 
Man that's a tough situation. I would suggest letting it go, but I can't blame you for wanting to "set the record straight".

I was not at this particular funeral, but a buddy of mine attended one that sounds a bit like yours. The family knew this man to be a bit of a jackass. Didn't pay his bills, fooled around with multiple women and of course did very little for his kids. His friends and associates spoke of him at his funeral like his was a saint. I'm told a family member got tired of hearing all this great things about him and just shouted fromt he back of the room, "that MF is lying." The church erupted and basically became a shouting match. All control was lost the service pretty much ended.
 
BILBREW said:
Here's the deal:

When my aunt passed, the people at her funeral kept calling her "Rev. Jane Doe" (although she was not yet ordained and probably never preached a sermon in her life) and painted her as a saint. One person even had the nerve to say that she was the "one that was set apart" in our family even though this person didn't even know our family and we didn't know her. The Aunt Jane Doe that I knew up until her death was a crook who tried to swindle some of our family members and who refused to speak to my mother. She also refused to call my other aunt while she was in the hospital even though my aunt was only about 10 minutes away and could have easily gotten to her. When I look back at it, I feel like I should have gotten up at the funeral and spoke on behalf of the family to set the record straight about the woman that they thought they knew.

What really irked me was that these people also acted like she was the first preacher in the family even though she was the daughter of a preacher and the funeral was in one of the churches that my grandfather preached in. Therefore, she was not the first "Rev. Doe" as they mistakenly assumed. Those sorry mfs didn't even put a slot in the program for her two children to speak or give a proper eulogy. Some jacklegged preacher that she was in cahoots with (that we also didn't know) gave some half-behind version of her life that definitely wasn't accurate.
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:emlaugh: :lmao:

sounds like my family 101%. :lol:
 
BILBREW said:
Here's the deal:

When my aunt passed, the people at her funeral kept calling her "Rev. Jane Doe" (although she was not yet ordained and probably never preached a sermon in her life) and painted her as a saint. One person even had the nerve to say that she was the "one that was set apart" in our family even though this person didn't even know our family and we didn't know her. The Aunt Jane Doe that I knew up until her death was a crook who tried to swindle some of our family members and who refused to speak to my mother. She also refused to call my other aunt while she was in the hospital even though my aunt was only about 10 minutes away and could have easily gotten to her. When I look back at it, I feel like I should have gotten up at the funeral and spoke on behalf of the family to set the record straight about the woman that they thought they knew.

What really irked me was that these people also acted like she was the first preacher in the family even though she was the daughter of a preacher and the funeral was in one of the churches that my grandfather preached in. Therefore, she was not the first "Rev. Doe" as they mistakenly assumed. Those sorry mfs didn't even put a slot in the program for her two children to speak or give a proper eulogy. Some jacklegged preacher that she was in cahoots with (that we also didn't know) gave some half-behind version of her life that definitely wasn't accurate.
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So who planned the funeral? Her friends?
 
jag4life said:
So who planned the funeral? Her friends?
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The owner of the only funeral home in the town was also one of her best friends, so apparently that's how most of the stuff got planned. From what I could tell, her siblings weren't even asked for input on her bio since some of that stuff was also wrong (misspelled names, inaccurate info, etc.).
 
Maybe those people didn't know THAT side of her. Even still, why would anyone want to get up and say negative things about a person at their funeral? I'm sure even the worst people have a little bit of good in them. :noidea:
 
I would have just walked out. I am almost done with black folks funerals and weddings though. I tend to enjoy the funerals more than the weddings though because the sermons tend to better.
 
kellis said:
Maybe those people didn't know THAT side of her. Even still, why would anyone want to get up and say negative things about a person at their funeral? I'm sure even the worst people have a little bit of good in them. :noidea:
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Agreed.

What would be the purpose of bringing that negativity to a funeral? What would it accomplish? Let it go.
 
chocalate_topaz said:
why even go?
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That's what I was wondering.

If the family feels very strongly about expressing their feelings about Aunt Jane Doe, hold a private memorial and let it rip!! :lol: It sounds bad/harsh...but sometimes you just HAVE to get shyt out!! If it's private (family only) then everyone that's present will understand where the negativity is coming from and it would probably turn into a fun filled event. :tup:
 



chocalate_topaz said:
why even go?
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Honestly, I wasn't expecting it to turn out like it did. I didn't even have any negative feelings about it until I got there and these people started talking all this "Reverend" stuff and then didn't have us on the program. That was when I got pissed off. I was really expecting the typical born-lived-died type of presentation without all of the fluff that these people threw in. The lady saying that my aunt was the "special one in the family" and the "one that was set apart" was what really threw me over the edge. I had never seen that women either before the funeral or since. When my uncle (my aunt's brother, of course) passed earlier this year, the same sorry mfs who claimed to love my aunt so much didn't bother coming to her brother's funeral or even sending flowers or their regards.

This is why sometimes you need to do stuff when it hits you. If I would have gotten up at the funeral and said my piece, then I wouldn't even be worried about it now.
 
kellis said:
Even still, why would anyone want to get up and say negative things about a person at their funeral?
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They did at my grandmother's funeral last year :lol: However, it was done in love. We were pretty honest about her. She was NOT the easiest person to get along, and a couple of people said that at the funeral... and we all laughed and nodded, because it was truth.

And Lance: Let it go.
 
Funerals are for the living, not the dead. No matter what's said about the deceased, he won't care. You must judge whether or not disrupting the funeral is worth "correcting" the speakers and breeding ill will with family members.
 
I know what you're talking about
There are people who did nothing but raise hell all their life, and people still say good things about them @ the funeral, and shed fake tears.
I've seen programs say " In Loving Memory" and some just say "In Memory"

Sorta like when a preacher is preaching something totally erroneous, but the
people still yelling Amen.

Are we required to respect the dead or should we tell it like it is?
 
When your heart is right, you can humble yourself. if your heart is not right you want confrontation. A wise man understand humbleness even in situations where there in no civilized humanity.
 
CEE DOG said:
Death is something that no matter how we think we are ready for it, we are not. Sure we all know folks that got some ways that aren't the best, but sometimes in life you have to take a back seat and understand what being humble is about. Everyone has some good in them, at the time of death it is best to reflect on the better things in life, rather then negative things. Regardless of how good or bad a person is, someone still loves that person because he or she is someones sister, brother, mother, father, child, niece, grandchild, nephew, or cousin. One thing about death is we all have to take that walk one day. One day someone who is near and dear to us will leave this earth, it is only then do we understand what death is and how it affects ones life. When that casket closes and you will know longer see your love one, or that special person you enter a whole new phase in life.
Click to expand...

CEE DOG said:
When your heart is right, you can humble yourself. if your heart is not right you want confrontation. A wise man understand humbleness even in situations where there in no civilized humanity.
Click to expand...

OK who are you and what have you done with the real CEE DOG????

Seriously though, good words of wisdom.

My thing is this, we say Rest In Peace, because that is what we want them to do or at least hope they do. No matter how much hell they caused you or others, no matter how much BS they had to put up with. No matter how much they had to suffer, regardless of what other people thought of them, or how they're still trying to judge them. Death is now their time to Rest In Peace. They have gone from this world and passed on, why should we or would we continue to allow whatever issues we had with the now deceased to keep us from saying "Rest In Peace". If others believe something else, then let them have that moment and that memory, no matter how false you believe it to be.

If a mother loses her gang-banging son, or crackhead daughter, let her believe that her child was good, because that is their memory of them, so why rob them of it.
If a child loses a parent, and that child believes that his or her parent was the best one around, then let them believe it. You may know or think you know the truth, but why rob a person of a memory. Because when we say Rest In Peace, and that body had gone into the ground, all they have left, all we have left are the memories.
 
southsuburbs said:
That's what I was wondering.

If the family feels very strongly about expressing their feelings about Aunt Jane Doe, hold a private memorial and let it rip!! :lol: It sounds bad/harsh...but sometimes you just HAVE to get shyt out!! If it's private (family only) then everyone that's present will understand where the negativity is coming from and it would probably turn into a fun filled event. :tup:
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Dayum Gul... I bet you even messy in your dreams... You Dream up Mess.. :lol:

Nah..... I actually agree with this to some degree.... a Prviate memorial where family is able to vent and "Tell it Like it is".. may help... However, negativity isnt really going to help at a public funeral... Hell most people go to funerals Oooo & Ahhhh about Who cried the most? what the person was wearing etc... That would be right up their alley....
 
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