Marriage Proposal


short_1

short_1

Grown & Sexy
I am in a major debate with a friend of mine about marriage proposals & I wanted to get the input of the swac page family on this subject. Ok I understand & know that the Bible says "He that findeth a woman findeth a good thing." I understand that but this is where the debate comes in.....it is traditional for a male to ask the female to marry him not the female. But I say that I don't see anything wrong with the female asking the man....if she loves him & he loves her then it shouldn't matter who ask who. I feel that the female can go out & purchase a nice ring & set everything up just as the man would & make her move. But my freind says otherwise..she feels that people should stick to tradition & let the man pop the question. I wanna know what do u all think about this & why. Should we stick to tration & let the man make the move or should tradtion be broken & let the woman be bold enough & make that big move & ask the man to marry her?
 
Well, I'm not so much into all that tradition stuff, but I do believe what the Bible says. And I'm not married. However, when the time comes for marriage, I just wanna be the one to make the proposal. It just wouldn't sit right with me if she came out asking me that with a ring and etc... And then I'm walking around with an engagement ring on. Nah, that would just be too awkward for me.

This is just my take on it, and I'm gonna do what thus sayeth the Lord. I'm sure there are mixed views about this, but oh well..
 



Keep it traditional.....let tha man ask!

Originally posted by truthteller
It just wouldn't sit right with me if she came out asking me that with a ring and etc... And then I'm walking around with an engagement ring on. Nah, that would just be too awkward for me.
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YA KNOW!!!!!.....walking around wit ring on looking like this --------->:xeye:

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
 
Put it like this:

If marriage proposals were left up to women...
the number of proposals would increase 10 fold...

.
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...and the number of rejections would increase by about the same amount! :lol:

The fact remains that you have a helluva lot more women who feel the "NEED" to be married than men.
*that 'old maid' stuff and 'biological clock' reasoning is getting old...* A man will hold of marriage as long as he feels he can. It's not that the brothas don't want to be married...not just at that time. :D

Another interesting thing that should be considered is that fact that many (not most...MANY) women care too much about the engagement and wedding more than the MARRIAGE! :xeye:
They base love on the size or type of a ring that they want (wrong thought process ladies).
Don't get me wrong...whenever I decide to settle down, I WILL bless my wife-to-be with a niiiiiiiice one, but that shouldn't be the focus of the future together, right?....right. :)
*and we wonder why some marriages end up not working...*

Plus, it's easy to choose any kind of ring at any kind of price when YOU'RE NOT PAYING FOR IT! Some chicks fail to realize that, too. I've witnessed situations where the woman had the nerve to say "well if you loved me, you'd buy it", and that's a crock of BS! I've also been privy to women giving back the ring because "they didn't like it". :eek:
I wish a woman would give me back a ring....she probably wouldn't get it again!:lol:
So...if women were tasked to make the proposals, do I think that they'd be willing to shell out the same type of cash that they wanted for themselves?....HELL NAW! :p
Of course, some might TALK a good game...but actions speak louder than words...;)
and remember...men's rings are a lot bigger, too. ;)


Overall, I do think that women would become a bit more cautious when not being the recipient of the proposal, but the total numbers would STILL sky rocket. And needless to say, some brothas, if asked, would say "yes" even if they wouldn't feel that they were CLOSE to being ready.
But again...you would DEFINITELY have more brothers saying "Uhhh...no, I don't think this is the right time for us..." so don't be surprised. :cool:

Just my 2 cents.
 
Originally posted by Ntelekt
And needless to say, some brothas, if asked, would say "yes" even if they wouldn't feel that they were CLOSE to being ready.
But again...you would DEFINITELY have more brothers saying "Uhhh...no, I don't think this is the right time for us..." so don't be surprised. :cool:

Just my 2 cents.
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The sad thing is that brothers are proposing knowing that they are not ready, so go figure on that.
 
Originally posted by Dtown Jag




The sad thing is that brothers are proposing knowing that they are not ready, so go figure on that.
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*figuring...* ;)

well hell...if she says "yes", then she's just as much to blame, right?



Or what about the women who think they ARE ready, but in fact are NOT, when they are bringing NOTHING to the table?
Just because one want to be married ...doesn't mean that they DESERVE to be...;)


But all in all....


what does that have to do with THIS THREAD????? :xeye:

:lmao:

Reverse the roles, lady....reverse the roles.....:cool:
 
No she is not just as bad, cuz maybe she genuinely thinks that he is serious. People like to play game and they like to play with others feelings. U have to be real stupid to propose to someone knowing damn well you're not ready for marriage....but hey, we see it happening all the time.
 
"Being serious" and "not being ready" are two different things.

But that goes to what I said before:

Just because she feels that she IS ready (the want, desire,and love aspect) doesn't mean that she actually IS ready (financial status, career foundation, mental stability) or actually DESERVES to be (immaturity, hood rat, selfishness).

But aye...different strokes for different folks.:)
 
Naw, I see exactly....

I'm just bringing it from another point of view.;)

*just because I don't AGREE doesn't mean that I don't UNDERSTAND...* ;)
 
Innalek,

Why wouldn't you agree with me? U think it's ok for a man to propose to a woman, knowing he's not ready?
 
:rolleyes: Stop the madness.... I feel a thread divergence coming on.......:eek2:



Anyway my thoughts on the topic is that it will be hard to break away from tradition....I am a traditional type of gal so personally I wouldn't propose to a man.
 
Originally posted by Ntelekt
Put it like this:

If marriage proposals were left up to women...
the number of proposals would increase 10 fold...

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
...and the number of rejections would increase by about the same amount! :lol:

The fact remains that you have a helluva lot more women who feel the "NEED" to be married than men.
*that 'old maid' stuff and 'biological clock' reasoning is getting old...* A man will hold of marriage as long as he feels he can. It's not that the brothas don't want to be married...not just at that time. :D

Another interesting thing that should be considered is that fact that many (not most...MANY) women care too much about the engagement and wedding more than the MARRIAGE! :xeye:
They base love on the size or type of a ring that they want (wrong thought process ladies).
Don't get me wrong...whenever I decide to settle down, I WILL bless my wife-to-be with a niiiiiiiice one, but that shouldn't be the focus of the future together, right?....right. :)
*and we wonder why some marriages end up not working...*

Plus, it's easy to choose any kind of ring at any kind of price when YOU'RE NOT PAYING FOR IT! Some chicks fail to realize that, too. I've witnessed situations where the woman had the nerve to say "well if you loved me, you'd buy it", and that's a crock of BS! I've also been privy to women giving back the ring because "they didn't like it". :eek:
I wish a woman would give me back a ring....she probably wouldn't get it again!:lol:
So...if women were tasked to make the proposals, do I think that they'd be willing to shell out the same type of cash that they wanted for themselves?....HELL NAW! :p
Of course, some might TALK a good game...but actions speak louder than words...;)
and remember...men's rings are a lot bigger, too. ;)



Just my 2 cents.
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I have to agree with you on that...
sometimes women do feel the NEED to get hitched just because of age or society's dictations.
But marriage is very serious and should not be taken lightly.

Times have changed....but as far as ME asking a man to marry him...THEY HAVEN'T CHANGED THAT DARN MUCH!!
HE CAN FORGET ABOUT IT! :redhot:
I wouldn't want to be with a man who would want me to do that anyway!!...what next...me take on the manly duties....build him a house and fix the plumbing etc etc!?
my 2 cents is...."LET A MAN BE A MAN!"
 
Originally posted by Dtown Jag
No she is not just as bad, cuz maybe she genuinely thinks that he is serious. People like to play game and they like to play with others feelings. U have to be real stupid to propose to someone knowing damn well you're not ready for marriage....but hey, we see it happening all the time.
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it happen to me!:bawling: :redhot: :rolleyes: :D
 
Trust me, I feel your pain

Originally posted by Prissy_1


it happen to me!:bawling: :redhot: :rolleyes: :D
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That's the point I'm making Prissy, it happens more than you know and it's a damn shame.
 



Originally posted by Dtown Jag
No she is not just as bad, cuz maybe she genuinely thinks that he is serious.
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A man that findeth................I say keep it traditional.

I understand what you are saying, but sometimes people ignore the signs. Just because someone proposes to you doesn't mean you have to accept if you think the time is not right. Some people accept knowing that the other person is not ready. I know I am going to get attacked when I say this but most of the time it's the woman rushing the marriage anyway even though the man proposes. Sometimes I think they get caught in what people(girlfriends) are saying and the whole wedding thing.

Just my opinion.........
 
Originally posted by str8brave


A man that findeth................I say keep it traditional.

I understand what you are saying, but sometimes people ignore the signs. Just because someone proposes to you doesn't mean you have to accept if you think the time is not right. Some people accept knowing that the other person is not ready. I know I am going to get attacked when I say this but most of the time it's the woman rushing the marriage anyway even though the man proposes. Sometimes I think they get caught in what people(girlfriends) are saying and the whole wedding thing.

Just my opinion.........
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I totally agree with a woman should not accept when she knows a man is not ready. This is why I made the statement that if the woman "genuinely thinks that the man is ready". That's the same thing I'm saying, I just twisted it around and used the man as an example. It's real stupid for anyone to get married, knowing they don't want to. Why would a man propose if he's not ready. U fellas have yet to answer that one...know why, cuz you can't. :( U should never and I repeat never allow someone to pressure you into getting married. This is why the divorce rate is so high now. People don't take this institution seriously anymore. Folks get married for all sorts of reasons now-a-days.

But to answer the original question of this thread.....the man should continue asking, he just shouldn't ask if his azz ain't ready.....period.

NUFF SED!!!!!!
 
What I have noticed

I've seen this scenario in a lot of relationships:

A guy and a girl have been dating for 4 or 5 years. The girl is approaching 28-30 years old. The girl tells the guy, if we're not engaged by the end of the year, then I'm going to have move on. You need to let me know what you plan on doing. So the guy feels pressured and buys an engagement ring to buy himself somemore time. So they end up dating another 2 to 3 years...then she gives him an ultimatum...either you marry me or I'm out. So he really doesn't want to see her with someone else...but he really doesn't want to marry her either because he has all of his other ho....friends on the side...so he marrys her. The marriage is usually a bust.

Guys need to realize that if a woman is pressuring you to marry her and you don't want to...DON'T BE SELFSIH AND TRY TO HOLD ON. Either sink or swim. Women need to realize that if a guy is dating you and living with you for X amount of years...AND you all have kids together...why in the hell would he want to marry you? I mean...why pay for the cow when you're getting the milk free.

Marriage is a serious thing and I think people are in love with the idea of BEING married. Marriage is a lot of work. I once dated a girl that tried to pressure me into buying her a ring. I told her "Don't let me stand in the way of you getting your ring" Good thing I didn't marry her. Not only was she a tool..she's gay now. But that's another story.

If you're with the rigt person...why wait? Go ahead and do the damn thang!!! Don't be a fool and let a good thing pass you by trying to be THE MAN!!!!
 
Originally posted by Dtown Jag



I totally agree with a woman should not accept when she knows a man is not ready. This is why I made the statement that if the woman "genuinely thinks that the man is ready". That's the same thing I'm saying, I just twisted it around and used the man as an example. It's real stupid for anyone to get married, knowing they don't want to. Why would a man propose if he's not ready. U fellas have yet to answer that one...know why, cuz you can't. :( U should never and I repeat never allow someone to pressure you into getting married. This is why the divorce rate is so high now. People don't take this institution seriously anymore. Folks get married for all sorts of reasons now-a-days.

But to answer the original question of this thread.....the man should continue asking, he just shouldn't ask if his azz ain't ready.....period.

NUFF SED!!!!!!
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Exactly!! and a woman shouldn't pressure him..........When he is ready, he is ready. Normally a guy wouldn't just propose when he is not ready unless he is pressured with ultimatums from the woman. It don't mean that he doesn't love the woman it's just the timing.

Enuff said.;)
 
First I'll answer the thread question...

To each their own, but I would not ask a man to marry me. If he wants me and I agree, and its God's will...we shall be ONE. But, I don't think ultimatums should play a role in marriage. I don't care how long you've been with a person. If you have to offer an ultimatum to get a response, one you'd prefer, you need to take a long, deep, look @ what you're allowing or have allowed to happen. There's no set time limits on engagements or dating before someone pops the question. If a person gives you an ultimatum...LET THEM STEP. Sure, you miss anything that you love, but that doesn't mean marriage is the solution. You only invite more problems when you do something you're not ready to do..and the truth is NOBODY FORCES YOU TO WALK DOWN THAT AISLE AND SAY I DO...That's just plain stupid!

Ladies know dayum well if he's ready or not...
Men know dayum well if she's ready or not...
And both know WHAT THEY GOT from the beginnning...
STOP fool'n yourselves!

NOW...

Ntelekt:
The fact remains that you have a helluva lot more women who feel the "NEED" to be married than men.
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The above statement is an opinion, not fact.
Who'd you survey?:rolleyes::lol::D

Life experience can not be substituted.

A hellvah LOT of men, in my opinion, FEEL the need to be married because they can't do a lot of things themselves and figure a "WIFE" is a sure fire way to have a meal, someone to love them and take care of them even though they aren't serious about the institution of marriage. Unfortunately, some weak women fall for this and they too are not serious about the institution of marriage, for a lot of reasons. The FACT is a lot of
men and women...simply don't take it seriously and as a result...everybody step' n out on everybody.


The <font size=4>FACT</font> is more men, <font size=4>THINK</font> more women feel the "NEED" to be married than men.

Out 10 of my closet female friends, 2 FEEL the need to be married.
2 are married, (1 happily, the other unhappily) and the other 6, plus ME don't feel the need to do a dayum thing except live our lives, date or not date, establish or continue to excel in our careers and simply put, just live for the moment. Is there a desire to be married? I can't answer that question until there's someone in my life important enough to even consider seriously.
That's just me. I don't have the desire to be married just for the sake of being married or having "someone."

Have I thought about marriage? Sure, but I've said no each time a proposal has come my way. It had nothing to do with HIM either. "I" was not ready, "I" was not in love and "I" didn't want to ruin someone else's life by agreeing just because "I" was asked, and "He" simply was not "THE ONE." When "THE ONE" comes along...I'm sure a count of @ least 3 minds and hearts will know. HIS, MINE and God's...anything else is just a state of "in the meantime...". Married or not in this lifetime, I'm happy.

And for the record...

'It's not every woman's desire to simply "get married."
:nod:Believe dat!
 
Very interesting responses from all of you & I thank you for your imput. Now I would like to add my .10. Now I agree with some of what has been said but I must degress with some things that have been stated.
Now first of all not all women feel the need to be married. :mad: & if they feel like they need to be married to be happy then they have just stepped into a marriage that is on a first class trip to hell in a gasoline handbasket & the same goes for a man who marries a female b/c the sex is good trust it happens. But just as it has been stated in previous post not everyone is ready & they put on this front as though they are....that won't solve anything. Why is it people know they are not ready to get married but get married anyway & then a little bit into the marriage one or both spouces decide to "try" & live the single life but are still married? If you know you weren't ready when you asked the question & when the question was asked to you then why in the world would you get married??!?!?! That's about 6G's or more that could have been well spent on something else! What good is going to come out of getting married but no one is happy? I say if you are with someone & the love is mutual take some pre-marital classes first & really get to know that person & make sure that you both are ready for marriage before taking that plung. Marriage isn't something that you can just be spontanious about it takes a lot of hard work & LOVE!!!!!!! I'll be back later with more imput but thanks for what you all have given me thus far.
 
I feel where you are coming from Dtown Jag....The woman wouldn' t be just as bad if she accepts the proposal...A woman matures faster than a man therefore she'll more than likely be a few steps ahead....Women will be ready for things way before a man will...So if he proposes to her and he's not ready it's all on him...Some men a ready but they are just scared of what the outcome may be...Marriage is a good thing and it shows a sign of personal growth...But if you ain't ready and the other person is pushing you to get married maybe yall aren't mean to be together...Now this is my opinion.. I feel that there is somebody out here for everybody and I do believe in soul mates...And when you have found the right person you will know because I'm pretty sure God will send you a sign....
But back to the original question...I think you should wait and let him ask...I'm not saying this because it's traditional...I'm saying thins because it will mean so much more to yourself if he did it.. You never know what's going on through ones head...He might be thinking about something else while you're thinking about marriage...Tradition is good but sometimes it can hold us back.. but at the same time there are some things that aren't meant to be changed..
 
Help me to understand being ready to get married

Does being ready mean you got it all out of your system and you are ready to settle down?

Does it mean that you are trying to become one mind, which will never happened?

Does it mean one or the other has a $5000 credit card bill, new car, student loan and etc to pay off?

What do you mean by being ready?
 
In my opinion being ready for marriage is when you feel you've found that one person that you want to spend the rest of your life with...It's when you get tired of the life you're living and want to live a life with one other person and want to start a family.
 
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