1. Thou shall watch chick flicks in severe moderation.
Terms & Conditions
* Movies with sex and violence are far more acceptable for entertainment needs.
* Occasionally, watching a chick flick can be an exception; though it should be duly noted that an over occurrence of such events is unacceptable.
* The Notebook and High School Musical are hereby recognized as special cases. They are not to be watched without the presence of a girlfriend, date, or other significant other.
* No man is allowed to suggest watching a chick flick — no exceptions.
Exceptions
* While chick flicks are not generally condoned, when a girlfriend or other similar figure is present, all taboos and accountability are waived, becoming null and void. For the cause of a healthy relationship, watching chick flicks by request is encouraged.
2. Thou shall not interfere with the relationships with others, especially when the interference is for the cause of personal gain.
Terms & Conditions:
* No man shall ever attempt to break apart a relationship, regardless if they feel the aforementioned relationship is a bad decision for a friend or other respected person. This is for them to figure out, and while advising people is permitted, actively attempting to be the best interest police is prohibited.
* Interference for the purpose of attempting to steal someone’s girlfriend is an unspeakable crime and will result in a total loss of respect and reputation.
Exceptions:
* While most cases of interference are a plague and thus should be eradicated, in certain situations, a party from within the relationship will ask for interference. For the power of good, this is acceptable when it aids the relationship, including but not limited to calling in favors or finding out helpful information. However if the requested interference would damage the relationship, thou shall not interfere — you are not the one who initiated the relationship, thus have no power to end it.
3. It is imperative that all men avoid getting involved in disputes between two or more women. Such conflicts should be avoided at all cost so as to maintain a neutral status and keep optimum levels of respect and goodwill towards all involved, thus avoiding the bad blood that can result from “taking sides.â€
Terms & Conditions:
* Even if one of the people involved is your girlfriend, simply be supportive to her rather than intervening.
* While neutrality is the way to go, there are circumstances which merit action, as this is a case-by-case basis.
Exceptions:
* If the conflict or argument directly involves falsities, clarifying the truth in a calm and collective manner is acceptable.
* In certain extreme cases, a girlfriend or friend that happens to be a girl may end up in physical danger, at which point stepping in is encouraged to avoid any unnecessary bridge burning.
* Should your significant other or friend come to you for help, it is acceptable to help, but only reluctantly so and explaining the terms of this particular man law. Unless absolutely necessary, usage of 100% of your resources and effort should not be put to use — the ultimate goal is peace and security while maintaining a positive reputation, which means avoiding any bad blood with anyone.
4. Under no circumstance should a man ever result to looking through a manual to solve thier questions while fixing something.
Terms & Conditions-
* Trial and error works in most situations that may have called for a manual.
* If ever questioned, remember that James Bond dismantled a nuclear warhead without a manual.
5. Every man shall allow one empty urinal of separation in a bathroom with three or more urinals.
Exceptions-
* Law is void if there are dividers in between each urinal.
* If all urinals are taken, one may wait, but must provide plenty of room between themselves and urinal users, and wait until the current urinal user has turned away and zipped up before approaching urinal.
Terms & Conditions-
* Sitting down to pee is forbidden and will result in loss of “man†status.
6. Whilst watching the big game, thou shall not speak excessively or become overly engaged in activities unrelated to the sports game at hand. Time spent watching sports is to be dedicated primarily to sports.
Terms & Conditions:
* While all occupants of the room may be upset at the most recent screw-up of the home team, you do not necessarily have to make an audible reaction to every play, because chances are, nobody cares what you think.
* Those who choose to only “half pay attention†to the game should leave those who are diehards in peace.
* Complaining about the other team performing well or making spectacular plays shall be prohibited, whereas respecting or acknowledging the talent of the other team is perfectly acceptable.
* If your reaction to what is happening on-screen makes a fellow diehard actually jump, chances are you overreacted, or at least need to tone it down a bit.
* All situations are different — depending on the context of the people present, the place where the game is being watched, as well as the importance of said game, different expectations or codes of conduct may apply. It is up to you to decide how much of your mental and social capacity is to be devoted to sports — never let sports come between you and what is in your best interest.
* Bandwagoners shall not speak.
* Never take talent for granted. Never assume that the receiver will make the catch, or that the free throw is a sure thing; the same holds true for the opposition, assuming the opposition will make the great play just leads to pessimism that no one likes to hear. In order to reduce shock or potentially annoying reactions, expect the unexpected.
Exceptions:
* In some cases, significant others or friends who are unfamiliar with the sport being played are present — these types of situations usually merit extra explanations or commentary on the game.
* When “the game†at hand has nothing to do with the home-team or is relatively unimportant in comparison to other entertainment options available, casual conversations are permitted.
* Sports is one of the major sources of male bonding, and as such, it is important that enough conversation is established to find a happy medium between sports and life outside sports. While building a life around sports is common (and with good reason), when things need to be said, they should be said.
7. After leaving a building and while walking towards the car, an occupant-to-be may reserve the front passenger seat by calling out “Shotgun.†Seats in the back of the car may be reserved in the same manner (i.e. “Back right,†etc.), and all passengers must honor and respect the calling of shotgun.
Terms & Conditions:
* Shotgun must be called while outside or in the parking garage as passengers are walking towards the car, and thus cannot be called far in advance.
* When shotgun is legitimately disputed, the driver or owner of the car has the authority to settle said disputes.
o If two or more passengers tie when calling shotgun, a race to the car determines who rides shotgun.
* The shotgun passenger acknowledges that they become responsible for the comfort of the vehicle passengers by controlling the radio and climate controls, however, once again, the driver has final say in these matters. Should the shotgun passenger have a particularly horrible taste in music, he/she can be denied shotgun by popular demand the next time a shotgun-calling situation arises.
Exceptions:
* Should the driver’s significant other be present, she shall automatically be granted shotgun no questions asked.
o Should a significant other be absent, the navigator, if there is one, has priority, however must still call shotgun — the navigator can override shotgun calls of others citing the reason of navigation.
* A driver or owner of the vehicle may void the entire practice of calling shotgun, however he or she must do so well in advance and must make sure that all potential passengers are aware of the absence of shotgun law for the relevant vehicle.
8. No food shall ever be deemed “unhealthyâ€, “unorthodoxâ€, “badâ€, or “spoiled†when in use as human fuel while participating in watching a sports competition with one’s friends.
Exceptions:
* Tofu shall never be eaten.
* The veggie burger shall never be consumed.
* Any food that contains less than 5 grams of fat per serving.
Terms & Conditions:
* Those participating in a sport shall be excluded from the rule, but must return to obedience once the competition is over.
9. The official start of the male shopping season starts on December 20th, as compared to the female season, which opens on the day following Thanksgiving.
Exceptions:
* When the 20th falls on a Sunday, therefore the start of shopping becomes Monday the 21st.
* When targeted gift is released with such hype that it must be bought exceptionally earlier in the morning, therefore the rule “Just get it!†comes into effect, overruling the 20th. [said exception pertains only to said item -- all other gifts must wait until the 20th]
* The significant other drags us into the retail place with them [still nothing is to be purchased until the 20th]
* Shopping season restrictions do not apply if said male is purchasing a new plasma TV or other fancy electronics for himself, which are frequently available for low prices and online shopping following the Thanksgiving holiday.
