Lighten Mood XIII





Wife calls a husband:

H – “Hello?” . W – “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”

H – “Yes.”

W – “Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful mink coat. It’s absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?”

H – “What’s the price?”

W – “Only $1,500.00.”

H – “Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much…”

W – “Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2001 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman, and he gave me a really good price…and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year…”

H-“What price did he quote you?”

W – “Only $60,000…

H – “OK, but for that price, I want it with all the options.”

W – “Great! But before we hang up, something else…”

H – “What?”

W – “It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and…I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year. It’s on sale!!

Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, an acre of park area, beachfront property.”

H – “How much are they asking?”

W – “Only $450,000 – a magnificent price…and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover…”

H – “Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid $420,000. OK?”

W – “OK, sweetie…Thanks! I’ll see you later!! I love you!!!”

H – “Bye…I love u too…”

The man hangs up, closes the phone’s flap, and raises his hand while holding the phone and asks to all those present:

“Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?”
 
Jeffries GIF by GIPHY News

SMH!!!!!!!
 



A Wife came Home early and found her Husband in their Bedroom making love to a very Attractive Young Woman. She was very Upset.

_"You are a Disrēspêctful Pīg!"_ she Cried.

_"How dare you do this to me – a Faithful Wife, the Mother of your Children! I'm Leaving you. I want a Divorce, NOW!"_

The Husband calmly replied, _"Hang on just a Minute Love. At least let me tell you what Happened."_

_"Fine, go ahead",_ the Wife Sobbed, _"but they will be the last Words you say to me!"_
The Husband Began:

_"Well, as I was getting into the Car at Work to drive Home, this Young Lady here asked me for a Lift. She looked so Distressed, Helpless and Defenceless that I took Pity on her and let her into the Car."_

_"She was very Thin, not well Dressed and very Dirty and told me that she hadn't Eaten for Three Days."_

_"Out of Compassion, I brought her Home and Warmed up the Pizza I made for you last Night that you wouldn’t eat because you're afraid you'll put on Weight. The Poor thing Ate it, Ravenously."_

_"She was Dirty. I suggested she have a Shower. While Showering, I noticed her Clothes were Filthy and Threadbare. I threw them away."_

_"I gave her the Designer Jeans that you’ve had for a Few Years, but don’t Wear because you say they are too Tight."_

_"I gave her Underwear, your Anniversary Present from me, which you don’t Wear because you said I don't have Good Taste."_
_"I gave her the Sexy Blouse my sister gave you for Christmas, that you don’t Wear just to annoy her.

I also donated those Boots you bought at an expensive Boutique but don’t Wear because someone at Work has the same Pair."_
The Husband Paused, took a quick Breath and continued:

_"She was so Grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the Door, she turned to me with Tears in her Eyes and said, “Please Sir... Do you have anything else that your Wife doesn’t use?”
 
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