Leave and Cleave
- Thread starter MsJag4Jag
- Start date
Fortitude
Sybarite
Leave yo mama & daddy out of yo married business(Heck you supposed to be grown & able to govern your own life affairs) & you & your husband(w/God) make your own path together w/o interference or co-dependence on your parents. CLEAVE: To adhere firmly & closely or loyally & unwavering. Synonym see STICK.
kellis
SU Jags!!!
One of my guy friends is going through the same thing. His father-in-law will not let him be the husband to his wife. He tries to run the household. When my friend made mention of it, the wife and the Dad got upset. Dad says that she is still "his little girl". Ole girl wanted a new car. Hubby said no, daddy said yes. Well, she's driving her new car thanks to daddy. Ole girl likes to shop. Hubby says no, daddy produces his credit card. My friend feels like a stranger in his house and is at his wits end.
MsJag4Jag
Moderator
Jag4Life: It is so sad when they get involved in the name of "this is my child and you can't stop me..."
It seems like they are feeling empty nest syndrome so they have to find a way to stay involved in the child's ....errr.. adult's life. It will ruin a marriage if people are not careful.
Kellis: It seems like that Daddy throws the rock and hides the hand. Sad!
It seems like they are feeling empty nest syndrome so they have to find a way to stay involved in the child's ....errr.. adult's life. It will ruin a marriage if people are not careful.
Kellis: It seems like that Daddy throws the rock and hides the hand. Sad!
docmump
The Arch Nemesis
Are you serious? I can't tell.J4J said:
But anyways.
It's kinda explain itself. You see the key word is cleave not leave. You see cleave is a strong grip. It's like a death grip, you never let go. When confusion rise in your marriage. Cleave.
I believe that is different then the example given by Kellis. Just because you are the man of your household doesn't mean you are the wife's father. The husband needs to talk to the father one on one, man to man. Explain the situation to him and dont leave out anything. Respect the father's position but understand that the father MUST respect you, as the husband to his daughter. I would go as far as to do one of those Prince routines in "Under the Cherry Moon." Remember, the phone booth scene? I would do it and if he gets mad, tell him it's true because I am her husband.
kellis
SU Jags!!!
Docmump, you mean to tell me if your wife decides she wants to make purchases that you don't deem necessary or it seems excessive and she decides to run to her father for it, you'd be okay with it?
What if, every time you decide to do something, she runs it by her father before you do it, and then she gets mad if you don't do it daddy's way?
What if, every time you decide to do something, she runs it by her father before you do it, and then she gets mad if you don't do it daddy's way?
MsJag4Jag
Moderator
kellis said:
It would straight piss me off! :angry:
Docmump: Yeah, I was serious. I wanted to engage in this dialogue again except this time, I wanted to just be a reader and not the one to explain or given opinion of the definition. Thanks for your input. I don't remember the video scene from "Cherry Moon".....so I don't understand the analogy.
Jag4Life: I guess after a time any normal human would feel they've reached a dead end in that kind of situation. Unless you can live with another adult treating you like a child, it is easier to step. Hell it would furiate me if someone was to undermine my decisions or overlook them. That is plain ol' tasteless and disrespectful.
Normal1875
A&M #1
Interesting Comments! especially since Im fin to be 25 and see myself considering marriage in a couple years...
On the other hand, I feel sorry for whatever man decides to marry my 23 yr old baby sister aka "the babyyy of the house" aka "still daddy's lil girl" :emlaugh:
On the other hand, I feel sorry for whatever man decides to marry my 23 yr old baby sister aka "the babyyy of the house" aka "still daddy's lil girl" :emlaugh:
Seeing Spots
Joyful Woman!
LOL @ Kema saying "fruiate"! INFRUIATE is the word, but your point is well made and well taken.
Any spouse that allows their parents to interfere in the daily running of their lives is flat WRONG. The spouse whose parent it is should be the one to tell their mom/dad to STEP BACK.
That girl up there whose father buys her whatever, irrespective of what her husband says/wants is wrong as hell. I wonder if his father-in-law disses him like that? I am very close to my parents, but they respect the boundaries of my adulthood. They never would interfere in my marriage. Oh my mom is the ultimate retired school teacher control freak, but when she offers suggestions I just say, Okay mom and then go on and do what I want. I also tell her No and I simply, calmly and with honor dissent from whatever I disagree with them and do what I want to do. Of course, you have to EARN your parents respect! I also don't allow them to "buy" me with material things either. You know if you have your hand out, expect strings to be attached on how you spend the money they give you. My parents would never let my sister and I fall to rack and ruin and they have helped us both and they do a lot for our children...but here again, they respect us as adults and they have been happily married for 47 years, they well know what it takes to have a good solid marriage.
The real issue IMO is not the spineless gutless husbands/wives that can't stand up to their parents, it's the parents who do the interfering in the children's marriages. THEY are a sin and a gott dayum shame. They obviously have ISSUES in their on lives (or don't have a life) and want to live it through their kids. They need to sit down somewhere! (Thanks Niter)
Any spouse that allows their parents to interfere in the daily running of their lives is flat WRONG. The spouse whose parent it is should be the one to tell their mom/dad to STEP BACK.
That girl up there whose father buys her whatever, irrespective of what her husband says/wants is wrong as hell. I wonder if his father-in-law disses him like that? I am very close to my parents, but they respect the boundaries of my adulthood. They never would interfere in my marriage. Oh my mom is the ultimate retired school teacher control freak, but when she offers suggestions I just say, Okay mom and then go on and do what I want. I also tell her No and I simply, calmly and with honor dissent from whatever I disagree with them and do what I want to do. Of course, you have to EARN your parents respect! I also don't allow them to "buy" me with material things either. You know if you have your hand out, expect strings to be attached on how you spend the money they give you. My parents would never let my sister and I fall to rack and ruin and they have helped us both and they do a lot for our children...but here again, they respect us as adults and they have been happily married for 47 years, they well know what it takes to have a good solid marriage.
The real issue IMO is not the spineless gutless husbands/wives that can't stand up to their parents, it's the parents who do the interfering in the children's marriages. THEY are a sin and a gott dayum shame. They obviously have ISSUES in their on lives (or don't have a life) and want to live it through their kids. They need to sit down somewhere! (Thanks Niter)
Fortitude
Sybarite
Some have to learn the hard way. My daddy's folks put their foot in his marriage to my mom which led to their divorce. From that, he & my mom learned to stay out of their children's marital relationships. When I was married, both my parents were good for, "I'mma let y'all handle that." "Pray." "That's y'alls business." I appreciate them to the highest for that but, they had "bought sense." Only weak-minded individuals consistently allow their parents to blindly interfere in their marriage, normally because they DON'T know what to do themselves & are too lazy to try & figure it out w/their spouse or they like being a big baby. :fart: They won't put mama & 'nem in their place until the scales come off of their eyes & they see that it's wrong.
Which leads me to docmump's response. What I hear him saying is he'd put his foot down immediately & let 'ol girls pop's know that there's only ONE daddy in his house & it AIN'T him instead of waiting until the situation mushroomed.
Which leads me to docmump's response. What I hear him saying is he'd put his foot down immediately & let 'ol girls pop's know that there's only ONE daddy in his house & it AIN'T him instead of waiting until the situation mushroomed.
docmump
The Arch Nemesis
Kellis,kellis said:
In my post I mentioned respect. If he is doing stuff that I "deem unnecessary", that is an issue of respect and the lack of respect for me has his daughter's husband. If he respects my wishes he would not do it. He would send her back home saying "You married him."
Yes, I would be upset.
cat daddy
Active Member
At this point in my life if my wife's sperm donor wanted to buy her a car there would be no arguement from me. (fat chance that will happen)
Outside of fighting over money, this is probably the #2 or 3 reason marriages fail. Too many parents think they are helping when they are causing more damage. You raised your child, no let them go out into the world and make their own decisions. Good or bad.
Mettling parents will only get worse as time goes by. It will be taken to a wholenotherlevel when grandchildren are thrown into the mix. :smh:
Outside of fighting over money, this is probably the #2 or 3 reason marriages fail. Too many parents think they are helping when they are causing more damage. You raised your child, no let them go out into the world and make their own decisions. Good or bad.
Mettling parents will only get worse as time goes by. It will be taken to a wholenotherlevel when grandchildren are thrown into the mix. :smh:
