"Head of the Household"


CriTAUcal said:
What about the single-parent households? For years and it still continues to this day, the mother had to be the head-of-the-house,

Of course...because she was the ONLY adult in the house. Single parenthood doesn't apply to this conversation. There is no other choice BUT to be head of household in that situation.
 
jag4life said:
Of course...because she was the ONLY adult in the house. Single parenthood doesn't apply to this conversation. There is no other choice BUT to be head of household in that situation.


Yeah, I know that.
I was responding to this:
JROCK said:
We have a problem in our community because too many people don't know their roles. IMHO, mayhem started in the AA community when it became necessary for two incomes to exist in the household.

My thought is that this wasn't the only problem. While I agree that many people may not know their roles, I don't think "mayhem" just started with "when it became necessary for two-income households."
 



jag4life said:
Of course...because she was the ONLY adult in the house. Single parenthood doesn't apply to this conversation. There is no other choice BUT to be head of household in that situation.

Thanks.........again!
 
CriTAUcal said:
Yeah, I know that.
I was responding to this:

My thought is that this wasn't the only problem. While I agree that many people may not know their roles, I don't think "mayhem" just started with "when it became necessary for two-income households."

That is why it is necessary for some of you all to do some research.
 
silentrage said:
So what does Head of Household mean to you?

It means that as a Christian man I am the leader of the household and have the final say. I don't want a wife that will just bow down to me, but at the same time she has to recognize that I am the Man of the House and would not steer us wrong. That applies regardless of whose income is higher or who has the better-sounding job title.
 
JROCK said:
We have a problem in our community because too many people don't know their roles. IMHO, mayhem started in the AA community when it became necessary for two incomes to exist in the household. The temptation of equating materialism to "head of household" became prevalent. Now you have a growing bunch of "confused heads." Until the problem is resolved, the AA community will continue to have chaos.

Back when I was Pre-Law, I had a few female classmates who felt that they would automatically be the head of the household if they made more money than their husbands. I told them a)It doesn't work like that and b)Good luck getting married. Of course back then I had no idea that roles had shifted so much in many Black households.

Unfortunately, with this mentality also comes the advent of weak-minded men who feel that their wives have the power just because they have more education, make more money, or what have you. I have seen a lot of households where the husbands were practically "seen and not heard" and had practically no decision-making power whatsoever. With households like that out there, it makes it harder on men like us who have no problem with being the head and taking the responsibility that comes with it. Here in ATL, there are a lot of henpecked dudes as well as a lot of dudes who are sitting back letting a woman take cares of them(those marriages or relationships end up being more mother/son than husband/wife). I can't see myself sitting at home playing video games all day while my wife or girlfriends works. That is not what a man is supposed to do.

The thing is that I don't see things getting any better anytime soon.
 
BILBREW said:
It means that as a Christian man I am the leader of the household and have the final say. I don't want a wife that will just bow down to me, but at the same time she has to recognize that I am the Man of the House and would not steer us wrong. That applies regardless of whose income is higher or who has the better-sounding job title.

Do you decide what color the shower curtin will be? After 31 years of being married to the same woman, I learned that in a relationship each of you have different roles to play in your household. It's got to be a partnership if you want it to work. On some issues the male is dominant and in some situations he is submissive.
 
J C said:
Do you decide what color the shower curtin will be? After 31 years of being married to the same woman, I learned that in a relationship each of you have different roles to play in your household. It's got to be a partnership if you want it to work. On some issues the male is dominant and in some situations he is submissive.

I can't speak for Bilbrew, but am pretty sure he is not saying that he would not defer to his wife on certain issues.
 
J C said:
Do you decide what color the shower curtin will be? After 31 years of being married to the same woman, I learned that in a relationship each of you have different roles to play in your household. It's got to be a partnership if you want it to work. On some issues the male is dominant and in some situations he is submissive.

I'm not talking about trivial stuff like decorations(hell, knowing too much about bathroom decor wouldn't be too manly to begin with). I am talking about major issues. I was married before, so I know what goes into it.

I refuse to end up as a henpecked, "Yes, Dear"-saying husband. If that means that it will be harder for me to get married or stay married, then so be it.
 
JROCK said:
I can't speak for Bilbrew, but am pretty sure he is not saying that he would not defer to his wife on certain issues.

You are actually right on this. I don't even consider certain things to be a big deal, so if my future wife wants a burgundy bathroom or a beige comforter that's on her. I don't consider those to be major household issues that require a "meeting of the minds" if you will. However, if she wants to buy a new car she better run that by me if she still wants a husband afterwards.
 
J C said:
On some issues the male is dominant and in some situations he is submissive.

This is what it comes down.

It is the small things that one cannot get caught up in. For example owning over 200 pair of schools and you say something like, you bought another pair.

You have to know when to keep your mouth shut. Everytime you bring something into the house it takes up space and nothing is going out.
 
MightyDog said:
This is what it comes down.

It is the small things that one cannot get caught up in. For example owning over 200 pair of schools and you say something like, you bought another pair.

You have to know when to keep your mouth shut. Everytime you bring something into the house it takes up space and nothing is going out.

See, stuff like that doesn't bother me either because I buy a lot of clothes and shoes myself. Actually, my ex-wife was the one who complained that I was always buying something(she hated shopping for clothes).
 
J4J said:
by time he 45, he'll be hen-pecked. :D

I doubt it. I can't see myself letting any woman walk all over me. I'd break camp before I would get into or stay in a situation like that.
 



J4J said:
Does hen-pecked mean "walk all over".

When you are pecked by the right hen, you bring your whole paycheck home.
But to save one's manhood you throw it on the counter top so you can boast that you didn't give it to her when you are on TSPN.
 
BILBREW said:
Back when I was Pre-Law, I had a few female classmates who felt that they would automatically be the head of the household if they made more money than their husbands. I told them a)It doesn't work like that and b)Good luck getting married. Of course back then I had no idea that roles had shifted so much in many Black households.

Unfortunately, with this mentality also comes the advent of weak-minded men who feel that their wives have the power just because they have more education, make more money, or what have you. I have seen a lot of households where the husbands were practically "seen and not heard" and had practically no decision-making power whatsoever. With households like that out there, it makes it harder on men like us who have no problem with being the head and taking the responsibility that comes with it. Here in ATL, there are a lot of henpecked dudes as well as a lot of dudes who are sitting back letting a woman take cares of them(those marriages or relationships end up being more mother/son than husband/wife). I can't see myself sitting at home playing video games all day while my wife or girlfriends works. That is not what a man is supposed to do.

The thing is that I don't see things getting any better anytime soon.


I would have to say I agree because I think in our AA community we don't have enough people teaching "WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE A WIFE AND HUSBAND" AND what are the roles. I have seen it preached to so many people time after time...learn to be independent; don't let no man dictate you, and you dont' need a man or why you want to get married...it is disheartening to see people blow stuff out of proportion so much and talk against something God created for us. Therefore you do continue to aid in the downward spiral of us not having a family and raising kids to see how their parents SHOULD communicate and live as one and hoping one day they will grow up and want the same thing.
 
I feel much the same as brew.
<TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=6 width="100%" border=0><TBODY><TR><TD class=alt2 style="BORDER-RIGHT: 1px inset; BORDER-TOP: 1px inset; BORDER-LEFT: 1px inset; BORDER-BOTTOM: 1px inset">Originally Posted by BILBREW
It means that as a Christian man I am the leader of the household and have the final say. I don't want a wife that will just bow down to me, but at the same time she has to recognize that I am the Man of the House and would not steer us wrong. That applies regardless of whose income is higher or who has the better-sounding job title.
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>

J C said:
Do you decide what color the shower curtin will be? After 31 years of being married to the same woman, I learned that in a relationship each of you have different roles to play in your household. It's got to be a partnership if you want it to work. On some issues the male is dominant and in some situations he is submissive.
But I hope that any one that agrees with us also agrees that if a man wants to decide anything about that kitchen, the decor of the house. The woman is the queen of that house. All the man has to do is say yes dear until he sees that something is going wrong or he needs to give guidance to his family.
I even want my wife to pay the bills in accordance with our budget that I had the final say on, and give me and allowance...But do not let that go to her head and forget who the head of the house is.
 
BILBREW said:
You are actually right on this. I don't even consider certain things to be a big deal, so if my future wife wants a burgundy bathroom or a beige comforter that's on her. I don't consider those to be major household issues that require a "meeting of the minds" if you will. However, if she wants to buy a new car she better run that by me if she still wants a husband afterwards.
:lol:
icon14.gif

Well said.
 
Delta757 said:
I would have to say I agree because I think in our AA community we don't have enough people teaching "WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE A WIFE AND HUSBAND" AND what are the roles. I have seen it preached to so many people time after time...learn to be independent; don't let no man dictate you, and you dont' need a man or why you want to get married...it is disheartening to see people blow stuff out of proportion so much and talk against something God created for us. Therefore you do continue to aid in the downward spiral of us not having a family and raising kids to see how their parents SHOULD communicate and live as one and hoping one day they will grow up and want the same thing.
And that is why there is so much trouble in aa homes.
Guys, we are talking about who What does it mean to be the head OTH. Not by scripture, tradition or anything else...who is the head of the house now days. Isn't it a joint venture totally,...no head. In many cases, isn't the woman head by virtue of income (agreed by both)? Aren't there few homes in America HEADED by a man?
 
MightyDog said:
When you are pecked by the right hen, you bring your whole paycheck home.
But to save one's manhood you throw it on the counter top so you can boast that you didn't give it to her when you are on TSPN.

I have never given ANYBODY my entire paycheck. Not my ex-wife, not even my own mother when I was younger. Hell, my ex-wife didn't even know the exact amount of my take-home pay. I'm sure that some things about me may change with time, but this is not one of them.

Neither my father nor my grandfather brought their whole paychecks home, so I doubt if I will break the trend.
 
MightyDog said:
When you are pecked by the right hen, you bring your whole paycheck home.
But to save one's manhood you throw it on the counter top so you can boast that you didn't give it to her when you are on TSPN.

Good one MD. BilBrew needs to stroll back up and listen to the Mansong (joking).

A household if it consists of two adults is a joint venture based on trust and love. If you love each other, then you try to respect and please each other.

Financial issues are the major cause of divorces and break up of relationships. The way money is spent in an household is a give and take proposition.

In the Mansong, the singer says "We can have sex whenever you say so". :heart: or :redhot:

My superviser once told me he was in charge until he got home. (smile)
 
J C said:
Good one MD. BilBrew needs to stroll back up and listen to the Mansong (joking).

A household if it consists of two adults is a joint venture based on trust and love. If you love each other, then you try to respect and please each other.

Financial issues are the major cause of divorces and break up of relationships. The way money is spent in an household is a give and take proposition.

In the Mansong, the singer says "We can have sex whenever you say so". :heart: or :redhot:

My superviser once told me he was in charge until he got home. (smile)

Loving and respect one another has nothing to do with handing over your paycheck or letting someone run over you. If anything, there is a lack of respect involved when those things are in the mix. I realize that marriage is about working together, but as I have stated earlier I will still be the Head of the Household regardless of what anyone else has to say about it.
 
BILBREW said:
Loving and respect one another has nothing to do with handing over your paycheck or letting someone run over you. If anything, there is a lack of respect involved when those things are in the mix. I realize that marriage is about working together, but as I have stated earlier I will still be the Head of the Household regardless of what anyone else has to say about it.


Sounds like you want a slave instead of a partner. Each his own :look:
 
J C said:
Sounds like you want a slave instead of a partner. Each his own :look:

I think you are misinterpreting things. I have already stated that I do not want someone that will bow down to me. However, I still believe that the man has the final say. I couldn't care less about what color the drapes are, but you better believe that neither of us will be jumping up making any major decisions without consulting the other.

A God-fearing, faithful wife does not equate to "slave" in spite of whatever idiotic babbling anyone on here chooses to spout.
 
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