Have any of you ended a friendship over how they treated their partner?


chocalate_topaz said:
When I saw the first flags--He was working but I wasn't; we'd just moved to MS but when I got the statement EVERY DAY, he went by the bank and took out $20-$40. EVERY day he worked. We weren't hurting for money, I just like to know what the deal is. Then he started staying out later and later --now this is before cell phones--so I'm sitting up waiting and worried. And he was real funky about giving me money...I finally opened up a separate account , and heeded the voice in my head that said, "It's time to go back to work". I did that...then I found out he'd been getting money out of the savings...have cleaned out our son's savings when I moved it out of ours...I asked, fussed, cussed...until that day I got that phone call. He'd been laid off for 10 months...I thought he was looking for work....

But God shows you when you are done. I'd just finished my camp and took 2 weeks off. I realized that when I got up--no matter the time--he was just getting up. Then the phone call day, I'd tried to change the channel that morning...he told me, "Don't change it, A Different World comes on next." He had a ROUTINE...he wasn't out looking for work. While I was working on some real estate, my dad was on the phone cause he said he didn't understand why they wouldn't hire him: college educated, had a stationary engineer certification, not a drug user....so he gets on the phone thne starts yelling for me to get on it. The lady from the Unemployment office said this: "Your husband has missed FIVE appts for good jobs. Mr. Tillman,you can call down here repeatedly but until he comes to the interview, you are wasting your breathe. In addition, he didn't sign up for veterans preference."

I felt like somebody kicked me in the chest. He was living good...off of me.

So, I went home, had one of the most painful arguments ever in which some really ugly things were said...and I asked him to leave. He did...and I have to say, the peace that descended when he drove off was something else...I FELT it lift off...I divorced him and wished him well....It was the right thing to do...we'd moved past reconciliation--though we did try once. Waste of time...and I don't want to waste my time anymore...
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Trust, I understand.
 
goodolebrave said:
Have to agree with you on this. Being complacent is what happens. Then either the man/woman stop exploring to make it happen with the other. That 7 year itch is a touch stretch because at this point you have heard all the stories that the other had to tell and then it just becomes work related items. Unless one or the other has friends into craziness. But by then you are trying to distance yourself from crazy friends so you don't even have that news to share.

Whew....it's work.

But if it's worth it you got to put the work in be it male or female.
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Yeah, alot of my friends couldn't make it pass 10 years. Their differences drove them to divorce. Checked out, cause they thought it was easy. Looking at other couples, thinking it's easy like theirs. But not understanding what that couple went through to get there where they are. Work is an understatement sometimes.

Here's a quote for you all (married and those wanting to get married):

Marriage was created by God, so why would you not want Him to lead you, control it, guide it, direct it? You all are going to need Him.
 



Blacknbengal said:
That's because THIS is real, Founder. This isn't some love story on tv and alot of us aren't the Huxtables. Real shit happens in relationships/marriages. I can tell you what the Lord shared with me about the words, "He that findeth a wife finds a good thing and finds favor with the Lord" also. A lot of men aren't finding wives, they're finding "women " and trying to make them into wives. That dont work. A woman has to have those "wife" qualities in them before getting married, not after the wedding. And vice versa. Husbands are created before marriage, not changed into after the wedding.
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One of the things I have noticed in people where the marriage didn't work out was that they always had something to say about what their ex-spouse did or didn't do. It's always the finger pointing stuff....SMH....
 
The Founder said:
One of the things I have noticed in people where the marriage didn't work out was that they always had something to say about what their ex-spouse did or didn't do. It's always the finger pointing stuff....SMH....
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And the fingers should point both ways...it's take TWO to muck up most marriages. But venting is good also...I remember when folks asked me why I walked away after 17 years...I told them I didn't have anymore "wish" years...I wish he would get his shit together, I wish he would keep a steady job...I wish he would care more about the kids....now, I wish him well and I'm happier...
 
CEE DOG said:
The key to it is accepting personal responsibility. Humans struggle with this.
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True. It's easy to name all your spouse's faults and not even touch or admit your own. If you find someone who can admit their fault and is willing to work on them, KEEP'EM!!!
 
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