Can a realtionship survive cheating and become stronger?





I have not talked about the topic at hand. No, I do not believe a relationship can survive betrayal. However, dependency can change hurt feelings.
 
jsupop33 said:
blah to the illuminati but I do see an embrace of occultism in Hollywood and the music industry. Sometimes, I don't know Ken. I feel a little more jaded these days, I don't believe in fantasy worlds per say anymore. I can feel myself becoming numb as I grow older.
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You know, I've felt the same way as well as of late. People are constantly trying to get me to be jovial and have more of a positive outlook on life and my current situation. But it's hard to do that all the time when life beats the heck out of you.

When I was in college and even after college, I had a very limited, closed-minded, hunky-dory view of the world. These last three years have changed my perspective tremendously as I'm going through the worst funk ever right now in everything.

I mean, I'm very skeptical of the intentions of people, ideals, stances etc., now I've been called jaded and a cynic a lot. But my response to that is "Hey, I'm not going to take things at face value all the time."
 
kendrick said:
You know, I've felt the same way as well as of late. People are constantly trying to get me to be jovial and have more of a positive outlook on life and my current situation. But it's hard to do that all the time when life beats the heck out of you.

When I was in college and even after college, I had a very limited, closed-minded, hunky-dory view of the world. These last three years have changed my perspective tremendously as I'm going through the worst funk ever right now in everything.

I mean, I'm very skeptical of the intentions of people, ideals, stances etc., now I've been called jaded and a cynic a lot. But my response to that is "Hey, I'm not going to take things at face value all the time."
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It is the reality of the 21st Century African American Young Man. I think we are about to turn the corner and change a lot of defeatist ideas and attitudes.
 
Hmmm.

I think attitudes must change before we can affect change in our lives.

If you would be happy and positive when things are going well, why not be happy and positive now?

It's difficult to attract positive things to your life when you're negative. It's difficult to attract success when you don't believe you'll be successful.

All change starts in the mind. So does your success. If you want to be successful, start with your attitude. Start from a place of belief and faith. After all, it's the substance of things hoped for.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
jsupop33 said:
Some people believe in fantasies of perfection, perfect love, perfect marriages, perfect situations, perfect people, etc. I am a skeptic. I will try to disprove everything. I enjoy arguing for the sake of arguing. I find that most people have shallow thoughts and closed minds so I like to challenge their beliefs.
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That is a fantasy world, since nothing here on earth is perfect. If it were, the discussion of cheating would not be brought up.

I think a marriage can survive cheating, but I don't think it would be a stronger union. But it does depend on the mindset of the couple. While it may be easy to forgive a cheating spouse, it's hard to forget that they cheated. Some folks have the thought process that if you cheat once, you'll cheat again, and the trust issue goes out the window. And others may believe that they themselves weren't good enough/satisfying enough for that spouse and may never feel they have what it takes to make that person or any other person happy; the security issue is now gone. And there are those who feel the cheating spouse may leave them for that person they cheated with; now, the stability of the marriage is gone. Without these, a marriage cannot become stronger.
 
Tony said:
well they don't tell me and some don't even wanna tell themselves
knowing dang well that kid ain't theirs, talkin' bout
the kid looks like a great aunt 3 or 4 generations back :lol:

what man you know is "working on the marriage" after the woman cheated?
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Sir Charles said what up Tony.

[video=youtube;lUtf_EQni_o]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lUtf_EQni_o&feature=related[/video]
 
JH, so when did you switch sides homie. I understand though. I am a believer but I look at organized religion through a very awkward eye these days.
 



jsupop33 said:
JH, so when did you switch sides homie. I understand though. I am a believer but I look at organized religion through a very awkward eye these days.
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It was a proces over the years. Eight to be exact. The thing that led me to question is the enormous number of denominations in Christianity.
 
If I can't trust you, I can't be with you. If you didn't think about me, the man you married or are in a relationship with before laying your ass down with someone else, then don't expect me to try and make it work. You didn't want it to work once you took your underwear off.

I don't condone cheating. don't give me no bullsh&t about emotion or feeling ... it is a conscious decision. A dude didn't just walk up to you, take out his sh&t, and beat you down with it. He talked to you and you talked to him. You grew close in some way to this person and you let your guard down.

To me, that's my spot. If there is something wrong in our relationship that makes you want to even think about another guy that way (not saying viewing another person as attractive is wrong because it's not, BUT acting on it when you are in a relationship is), then we don't need to be together. Then, if we have a family and do that, to me, you didn't only cheat on me .... you selfishly put yourself before the family. I can't stay connected to that because like CT said, you are always going to be thinking about it and now there's this caveat out there that when you did it, I stayed around and forgave you .... what can you say to me if I do it now?

My fiancee' already knows this .... one time
 
CEE DOG said:
Can a realtionship survive cheating and become stronger? This was the topic on Micheal Basiden a few day ago. It was some interesting views. The doctor on the show said her and her husband marriage became stronger after he cheated, and they worked to fix their marriage.
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They say what doesn't kill you can only make you stronger. I guess the same can apply for relationships. Whatever you go through in a relationship, if it doesn't kill it, I supposed it could make it could make it stronger.
 
SU Jag 79 said:
If I can't trust you, I can't be with you. If you didn't think about me, the man you married or are in a relationship with before laying your ass down with someone else, then don't expect me to try and make it work. You didn't want it to work once you took your underwear off.

I don't condone cheating. don't give me no bullsh&t about emotion or feeling ... it is a conscious decision. A dude didn't just walk up to you, take out his sh&t, and beat you down with it. He talked to you and you talked to him. You grew close in some way to this person and you let your guard down.

To me, that's my spot. If there is something wrong in our relationship that makes you want to even think about another guy that way (not saying viewing another person as attractive is wrong because it's not, BUT acting on it when you are in a relationship is), then we don't need to be together. Then, if we have a family and do that, to me, you didn't only cheat on me .... you selfishly put yourself before the family. I can't stay connected to that because like CT said, you are always going to be thinking about it and now there's this caveat out there that when you did it, I stayed around and forgave you .... what can you say to me if I do it now?

My fiancee' already knows this .... one time
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^^^ Naive.

You're thinking about it like a man. I don't blame you though, because when I was young and first married I thought about it the same way. Actually, that reads like you typed something I said back then - word for word.
 
SUJagFan said:
^^^ Naive.

You're thinking about it like a man. I don't blame you though, because when I was young and first married I thought about it the same way. Actually, that reads like you typed something I said back then - word for word.
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Naive my ass. What else am I supposed to think about it as? A relationship is supposed to be able to handle rocky times when you and her aren't on the same page. But within that, you need to come together and talk about those issues. Taking my business to some other guy is not necessary, unless I'm being an ass and not even wanting to listen. Then, I would understand why she took it there, but there is STILL no excuse for cheating. Those thoughts come up in your mind, tell your partner and be prepared for the consequences. Don't expect him or her to forgive you because you brought this to them.

Everytime I think about someone cheating, I think about not only did you take a part of our relationship to someone else, but you also could be bringing me something back that I don't want. That's why I can't and won't deal with that. When you're in a relationship, your devotion should be to that person, unless they have given you reason to do otherwise. BUT if they have, MOVE the F%*K on. Be a grown up about yours and move on .... all of the monetary, family, and breakup possibilities didn't phase you when you laid down .... why should that be an issue after you've done it. You made your bed, literally .... now get the hell out of mine.
 
SU Jag 79 said:
Naive my ass. What else am I supposed to think about it as? A relationship is supposed to be able to handle rocky times when you and her aren't on the same page. But within that, you need to come together and talk about those issues. Taking my business to some other guy is not necessary, unless I'm being an ass and not even wanting to listen. Then, I would understand why she took it there, but there is STILL no excuse for cheating. Those thoughts come up in your mind, tell your partner and be prepared for the consequences. Don't expect him or her to forgive you because you brought this to them.

Everytime I think about someone cheating, I think about not only did you take a part of our relationship to someone else, but you also could be bringing me something back that I don't want. That's why I can't and won't deal with that. When you're in a relationship, your devotion should be to that person, unless they have given you reason to do otherwise. BUT if they have, MOVE the F%*K on. Be a grown up about yours and move on .... all of the monetary, family, and breakup possibilities didn't phase you when you laid down .... why should that be an issue after you've done it. You made your bed, literally .... now get the hell out of mine.
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:clap: BOOM! I'm riding with you on this! :bowdown:
 
chocalate_topaz said:
:clap: BOOM! I'm riding with you on this! :bowdown:
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Maybe I'm just young at this, but I can't see why one would want to stay with someone who basically didn't care about you for an hour or less. I look at other women and find them very attractive, BUT that's when sense has to take over and you acknowledge that if you do this, realize what you will lose. Do you want to lose that? If you do, be my guest. If you don't, head home, kiss your woman or man as soon as you get there, maybe pop that ass one good time to let them know they still got it, and get on with your day.
 
SU Jag 79 said:
Naive my ass. What else am I supposed to think about it as? A relationship is supposed to be able to handle rocky times when you and her aren't on the same page. But within that, you need to come together and talk about those issues. Taking my business to some other guy is not necessary, unless I'm being an ass and not even wanting to listen. Then, I would understand why she took it there, but there is STILL no excuse for cheating. Those thoughts come up in your mind, tell your partner and be prepared for the consequences. Don't expect him or her to forgive you because you brought this to them.

Everytime I think about someone cheating, I think about not only did you take a part of our relationship to someone else, but you also could be bringing me something back that I don't want. That's why I can't and won't deal with that. When you're in a relationship, your devotion should be to that person, unless they have given you reason to do otherwise. BUT if they have, MOVE the F%*K on. Be a grown up about yours and move on .... all of the monetary, family, and breakup possibilities didn't phase you when you laid down .... why should that be an issue after you've done it. You made your bed, literally .... now get the hell out of mine.
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I still say you're very naive.

Life is not that idealistic. Not that cut and dried. It's not always black and white.

After a man has been Mr. Jody a time or ten, our perspective changes. Our insight into relationships and infidelity changes.

I can tell you that why a woman cheats may not be that simple anymore. The family situation may not be that easy to break up - special needs child for example. The husband could be totally unaware and clueless for years. Why should suddenly becoming aware of a situation mean that he shouldn't work on saving his marriage? Lastly, there is a such thing as forgiveness. You're such a nice guy, how can you say at this point that you would not forgive what may have been a momentary indiscretion? You can't. Women are not rational the way we are.

It's naive to say what you will do before that time arrives because you really don't know. You don't know.
 
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