MightyDog
Well-Known Member
If you have this type of church in BR let me know, so we can attend Sunday Services before we depart.
1. You can hardly praise the Lord for the smell of fried
chicken, collard greens and sweet potatoes coming from the
kitchen.
2. Folks get mad at the preacher for preaching too long
'cause they ready to eat.
3. The congregation is preaching along with the preacher.
4. When the special prayer request time is used to spread
gossip by saying: "I'm just mentioning it because I want y'all ta pray".
5. You pass the offering plate without putting anything in
it and the usher passes it right back to you and waits for you to put
something in it.
6. You testify for more than 5 minutes, and the musicians start playing shout music to shut you up.
7. You have to shout with your pocketbook in your hand.
8. The OLD mothers forget their teeth and say, "Let everythang that haves breasts praise de lawd".
9. The deacons sing during devotional service and you can't
understand A WORD.
10. There are 30 people in Sunday School and the offering $3.25.
11. The preacher has a Superfly cape.
12. The bishop comes to town and the necklines drop and the
hemlines rise (HMMmmmm).
13. The Pastor is the musician, the Trustee, the Choir Director and the Usher.
14.You see a publicly displayed bulletin board listing the members of the church and the amount of their tithes and offerings.
15. A prophet is identified as the bow legged prophet; or the barefoot prophet; or the singing prophet.
16. The choir is singing a song that has the word
"whatsonever" in it.
17. The only way you get folks to come back in the afternoon is with those six magic words: REFRESHMENTS WILL BE SERVED AFTER SERVICE.
18.The choir sings hard before the preacher preaches and then when it's time to sing after the preaching, there are two choir members in the choir stand.
19. A choir invites a white choir to their anniversary and gets
frustrated with them because they clap on the wrong beat and they start real loud to demonstrate and it becomes a clapping battle.
20. The choir sings one line of somebody's favorite song and immediately that somebody falls out, yelling, "Dass my song-thank ya Jesus".
21. A person dies and the family members try to climb into the casket during the last viewing.
22. You've invited your white friends from your job to church and hope to God that service will be dignified.
23. The pastor preaches about "Dem white folks" and didn't notice the guests you invited.
24. You hafta speak in tongues to keep from cussing somebody out.
25. Sis. Palmer gets up to lead a song and she cracks and is off key and someone in the audience shouts, "Take ya time, baby...sing for the Lord."
26. The preacher gets his whoop on and spit is flying e'rewhere.
27. Children imitate the older members of the church shouting.
28. Sis. Johnson gets up to make an announcement about a program and she keeps on saying, "Bear with me saints, I'm nervous!" and you're in the congregation saying, "I wish she would go 'head and make the announcement and sit down!" And the Pastor or Assistant Pastor is looking around flustered wishing she would just wrap it up.
29. The musician is the last one at church-still waiting for the check.
30. The ushers lock the front door during the offering.
31. The members try the ushers patience by trying to open the front door during prayer and the usher looks back through the door window with a look like "Touch this door again and you will die."
32. You bust the back out of a tambourine you borrowed without permission and try to slip it under somebody else's seat.
Remember to feel free to pass these on..because . . .
Y'all know it's da TRUTH and the Truth Shall MAKE You Free....
so Free Ya'selves!
1. You can hardly praise the Lord for the smell of fried
chicken, collard greens and sweet potatoes coming from the
kitchen.
2. Folks get mad at the preacher for preaching too long
'cause they ready to eat.
3. The congregation is preaching along with the preacher.
4. When the special prayer request time is used to spread
gossip by saying: "I'm just mentioning it because I want y'all ta pray".
5. You pass the offering plate without putting anything in
it and the usher passes it right back to you and waits for you to put
something in it.
6. You testify for more than 5 minutes, and the musicians start playing shout music to shut you up.
7. You have to shout with your pocketbook in your hand.
8. The OLD mothers forget their teeth and say, "Let everythang that haves breasts praise de lawd".
9. The deacons sing during devotional service and you can't
understand A WORD.
10. There are 30 people in Sunday School and the offering $3.25.
11. The preacher has a Superfly cape.
12. The bishop comes to town and the necklines drop and the
hemlines rise (HMMmmmm).
13. The Pastor is the musician, the Trustee, the Choir Director and the Usher.
14.You see a publicly displayed bulletin board listing the members of the church and the amount of their tithes and offerings.
15. A prophet is identified as the bow legged prophet; or the barefoot prophet; or the singing prophet.
16. The choir is singing a song that has the word
"whatsonever" in it.
17. The only way you get folks to come back in the afternoon is with those six magic words: REFRESHMENTS WILL BE SERVED AFTER SERVICE.
18.The choir sings hard before the preacher preaches and then when it's time to sing after the preaching, there are two choir members in the choir stand.
19. A choir invites a white choir to their anniversary and gets
frustrated with them because they clap on the wrong beat and they start real loud to demonstrate and it becomes a clapping battle.
20. The choir sings one line of somebody's favorite song and immediately that somebody falls out, yelling, "Dass my song-thank ya Jesus".
21. A person dies and the family members try to climb into the casket during the last viewing.
22. You've invited your white friends from your job to church and hope to God that service will be dignified.
23. The pastor preaches about "Dem white folks" and didn't notice the guests you invited.
24. You hafta speak in tongues to keep from cussing somebody out.
25. Sis. Palmer gets up to lead a song and she cracks and is off key and someone in the audience shouts, "Take ya time, baby...sing for the Lord."
26. The preacher gets his whoop on and spit is flying e'rewhere.
27. Children imitate the older members of the church shouting.
28. Sis. Johnson gets up to make an announcement about a program and she keeps on saying, "Bear with me saints, I'm nervous!" and you're in the congregation saying, "I wish she would go 'head and make the announcement and sit down!" And the Pastor or Assistant Pastor is looking around flustered wishing she would just wrap it up.
29. The musician is the last one at church-still waiting for the check.
30. The ushers lock the front door during the offering.
31. The members try the ushers patience by trying to open the front door during prayer and the usher looks back through the door window with a look like "Touch this door again and you will die."
32. You bust the back out of a tambourine you borrowed without permission and try to slip it under somebody else's seat.
Remember to feel free to pass these on..because . . .
Y'all know it's da TRUTH and the Truth Shall MAKE You Free....
so Free Ya'selves!
