Relationship Issues


Fiyah, I see what you are getting at, and I HATE when females do that to me! :mad:
*IF YOU DON'T MEAN IT...DON'T SAY IT SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU'RE ANGRY...IT WILL BE HELD AGAINST YOU!!!*

But I believe Nita confirmed that he DID actually do the do...but not anymore.
 
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Vinita,

You mention your friends had some serious issues. I'm curious to know why this one is the focal point. Don't get me wrong, adultery is a serious problem, but you can't ignore the problems before this and expect all will be resolved if he cut off his communication with the other woman.

Men can do far worse things to a woman than adultery and some women will put up with them, let the adultery thing happen and all hell breaks loose.

Your girlfriend needs to focus on all aspects of their relationship to determine whether her husband can be trusted. There is a chance that he could be telling the truth. Some women don't want to believe the other signs.
 
Ice Man:

I don't think that this is necessarily viewed as the "focal point".

This seems to be the one issue that can realistically be handled with least amount of effort (tell the friend that we can't be...)

From what I'm gathering, they ARE doing what they need to to...it's just that wifey feels that another thing that needs to be done is to ex the "friend"..;)

I agree that a person can do a lot worse to their mate, but in marriagess NOWADAYS, the "worst" offense that a person can do is commiting adultery.
 
Ntelekt,

The reason she feels that the friend must be dumped is a lack of trust or she is being selfish. I agree he should dumb the friend because she didn't respect his marriage, but it want help the trust factor in the marriage.

BTW, while I have your ear. What happen to your music Monday?
 
I believe the "lack of trust" had arisen from the fling! ;)

they may have been having problems, but aye...they were still married. :D


As far as my MUSIC MONDAY, I planned on keeping it going as long as the response was good. Actually, it went on longer than I expected, but a couple of weeks ago....it didn't get too much participation. :(

I'm grateful to all those who participated.

As far as those who wouldn't post because they saw "NTELEKT" as the creator of it...oh well.:emlaugh:
 
Originally posted by Ms. Jag4Jag
Ice Man: How do you regain trust after infidelity?

It's extremely hard to do, but if you re strong minded you have to just let it go and believe that it won't happen again. It wil always be in the back of your mind and you must let it go or you will never get over it and the relationship will never prosper.
 
Ms. Jag4Jag,

Forgiving and forgetting. If you can't do that don't waste your time. I know that's not easy, but its the only way.
 
Ice: I know it would be hard. It takes a strong man/woman to put that behind and actually allow themselves time to figure the real issue and FIX it. It takes some "WILL" to do that.

Originally posted by Ice Man
Ms. Jag4Jag,

Forgiving and forgetting. If you can't do that don't waste your time. I know that's not easy, but its the only way.
 
To be real honest with you guys...what all of you are saying is all well and good; fine and dandy and any of the other cliches out there; but the bottom line is the wife no longer trust the husband because he stepped out on her. Infidelity alone is enough to end a marriage and very well break the trust line.

I, for one would not ever be able to trust a man anymore after that. I feel like if he can do it once, when the opportunity presents itself again, he'll do it again.

Ladies:

Take for instance. You go out and cheat on your spouse, ya think he'd welcome you back with loving arms and forgiveness....I think not. For one thing, it's easier for a woman to forgive, forget, let go, etc. than a man anyways. It's all about egos and territory with them. They'll always see you as their property.

Once again, this is my opinion and how I see it.
 
Well Ice Man, I'm glad you asked

Originally posted by Ice Man
Dtown Jag,

Is there anything else that will cause you not to trust a man?



Usually if I find that a brother lies constantly, I won't trust him. My trust level is not that high as it is anyway; therefore, it doesn't take a lot to lose my trust.
 
Originally posted by Dtown Jag
To be real honest with you guys...what all of you are saying is all well and good; fine and dandy and any of the other cliches out there; but the bottom line is the wife no longer trust the husband because he stepped out on her. Infidelity alone is enough to end a marriage and very well break the trust line.

<font color=green>Bottome line??? Who says she doesn't trust him anymore? All we can legitimately get from this is that wifey wants him to end ties with the mistress (which is understandable). We simply don't know and haven't been told that<font size=1>*unless Nita told YOU other than on here*</font>...dangerous assumption.
True, it is and has been enough to end a marriage...it's just that in this case, the problems weren't based on the infidelity.</font>

I, for one would not ever be able to trust a man anymore after that. I feel like if he can do it once, when the opportunity presents itself again, he'll do it again.
<font color=green>That's understandable. But answer me this:
Just because a person HASN'T cheated yet in a marriage...does that necessarily mean that they never will????....No.
But I do understand what you're saying.</font>

Ladies:

Take for instance. You go out and cheat on your spouse, ya think he'd welcome you back with loving arms and forgiveness....I think not.
<font color=green>Aye...some do and some don't. It goes for both men AND women.</font>

For one thing, it's easier for a woman to forgive, forget, let go, etc. than a man anyways. It's all about egos and territory with them. They'll always see you as their property.
<font color=green>I won't take that one...;)</font>

Once again, this is my opinion and how I see it.
<font color=green>That is well understood and noted...:D
 
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Actually innalek, that property remark was one based on what I've been told my several of my men friends.

So, you don't agree huh?
 
No....I don't agree! :p

Hell, I can BUY property....I don't need to buy a woman! :D

If the men who told you that were actually serious, those would be some brothas that I would NEVER ask anything concerning relationships....except for comic relief. ;)


Aye...some men and women have some ph_cked up views in regard to the opposite sex. If they like it...I love it. ::shruggin' shoulders::
 
Okay, I have been reading

The infidelity is NOT the only problem in the marriage. There were other issues and things that went on before he went stepping out. In fact, they had reached a point, he said, where he "gave up" ... and that's when he screwed sista friend.

* :rolleyes: at the ridiculous irony in THAT*

What possible reason could he have for continuing this "relationship" if he has any real intentions of remaining faithful to his wife? In my opinion, this is one "friendship" that needs to be nipped in the bud.
 
Maybe the husband and wife are "rushing back to reconciliation" too quickly. Obviously they need to work out some issues and maybe set some parameters.

I can understand that she wants him to discontinue seeing the other lady...I'm sure it would be the same way if the shoe was on the other foot. However, you have to question how strong the marriage was to begin with. I would think that if he truly wanted to make it work with his wife, he would have either said adios or at least have his wife to believe that he had said adios to the "other woman".

I didn't read the other posts, so I'm not sure if there are children involved. That would impact it, because no "fling"is worth hurting the children. However, if he has developed feelings for his "friend" it's gonna be tough to simply let it go. Not making any excuses, but it's more than just a matter of committment to your spouse. Once their is a rift, the tendency is to become committed to what makes one feel good (even if it doesn't make one feel right).

I think the couple needs to rationalize whether or not they really want the marriage to work. Maybe the man needs to take some time off (away) from both ladies to see which he misses the most!
 
Dtown Jag,

Is there times you trust people who lie constantly? Lying and cheating are signs, but can you go a little deeper. What about the brothers who view women as property, is that's a sign they can't be trusted?
 
No, a man viewing a woman as property is a sign that he needs a profound knock upside the head.

Now, I agree that there are different strokes for different folks. Some women can tolerate infidelity as long as "home" is taken care of. Some women will stay with a man who is not stepping out, but is beating her ass when the wind changes directions.

My issue is, this man KNOWS that his continued contact with this woman is a problem, yet he not only continues, he does a crappy job of hiding it. If he wants out, then he needs to be a man about the situation and be the hell out, instead of insistently and incessantly continuing behavior that is fractious to the marriage he claims he wants to keep.
 
Vinita,

Your girl is trying to force him in to making a decision. Why don't she leave? Wouldn't leaving send a clear message that she want tolerate this behavior.

It's kind of late in the game for him to be a man. A true man would not have let things go this far.
 
They have chirren. She is not about to leave their home. Hell, why can't HIS ASS leave? If he doesn't see what the big deal is in his talking to this female, why does he only talk to her when he isn't at home?

He has female friends from college. They call there all the time, and have visited them in their home. Wifey has no issue with this. However, these women were his friends before he and his wife hooked up. Sista friend came into the picture after the problems arose. He needs to shut her ass down, or shut up complaining about what his wife says.
 
Children is not excuse to stay in a bad situation and who says she has to leave home. Put his azz out, let him go live with the other woman if that what he wants. Your girl don't need this man to make it.
 
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