When It's Too Deep for Words
When my mother was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer (left lobe) on January 29, 2018, that was one of the rare times that I found myself not being able to pray. I was at a point in my faith walk that I could come before the Lord and talk with Him about anything, so it kinda rattled me that I couldn't pray about this. As Jesus taught His disciples to pray the will of God be done, I too try my best to not pray against the will of the Father. I didn't want to ask God to spare my mother because I honestly didn't know if that was His will. And I didn't ask Him to take my mother because I wanted more time with her. So, while I did continue to pray, I just didn't talk to God about my mother's health. Even when it was put on my heart to, I would just let God know that I love and trust Him completely, but I didn't want to talk about my mother's illness. Anything but that. He was and is so patient and allowed me spiritual space.
After 8 months of chemo and 35 days of radiation, my mother's lung had only scar tissue and showed significant healing. But in May 2019, after showing signs of a stroke, my sister and I learned our mother had 10-13 tumors on her brain. I was at church when I heard the news, I had just finished our Intercessory Prayer. I was hysterical when I got the call! I couldn't pray, but thanks to be to God, someone prayed for me. One month later, June 2019, my sister and I learned our mother had one malignant mass in her chest, 2 masses on her right lung, and one on her spine. In March 2020, we were told she had 2 malignant masses on her liver. All this, and I still couldn't properly pray for my mother. I could only ask God to please be with my mother and to allow her to have pain-free, good days and good rest.
"Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities, for we know not what we should pray for as we ought; but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. And He that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because He maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God."-Romans 8:26-27
There are things that happen in life that can hit you so hard, that can have such an overwhelming impact that it can leave you spiritually speechless. Sometimes life can bring along a crisis or a challenge or a circumstance so traumatizing that it's too deep for words. You can't even go before the Lord and pray. Or you may want to pray and cry out to God but because the hurt or the shame or the guilt is so intense, you can't come up with the words to pray. This is why it's so important that you have Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior over your life.
One of the many wonderful things Jesus promised us while He was with us on Earth (John 14:26), and right before He ascended back into His kingdom (Acts 1:8), was the gift of the Holy Ghost. The Holy Spirit, the 3rd Person in the Godhead, the very Spirit of God Himself. It is the Spirit of God that reveals the wisdom (truth of God) to us; it is the Holy Spirit that gives discernment, it is the Holy Ghost that comes to us when we need power, it is the Holy Ghost that reminds us the Scriptures; it is the Holy Spirit that convicts us and will convict the entire world of our sin. But it is also the Holy Spirit that pleads on our behalf to the Father; the Holy Spirit makes intercessions on our behalf. While He was here with us, Jesus knew and lived a pretty tough life. He knew that there would be times in life that would grip us so tight, we wouldn't even be in a spiritual position to ask for help. Jesus knew that there would things so bad, so painful, so stressful that we wouldn't know what to say or how to say it. I know now, that all those times I couldn't properly pray for my mother, it was the Holy Spirit that prayed to God in my place. It was the Holy Ghost that uttered words of peace on my behalf for my mother. I know it was the Spirit of God Himself that prayed my mother's strength, comfort, and trust in the Lord for me. All the things I couldn't convey into the right words, the Holy Spirit did that for me. God is so awesome, truly an awesome wonder, so good and so worthy to be praised! Lord Jesus, I love you so very much, thank you for keeping your promise to send me the gift of the Holy Spirit!
The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you always! And thank you for all of your love, prayers, understanding, and support during my grieving.
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