A Little Wednesday Humor

[Warndalyn]

This is hilarious....:lol:

Shamefully Funny

Mr. Jones gets a call from the hospital. They tell him his
wife's been in a terrible car accident. He rushes to the
hospital, runs in to the ER and says his wife's been in an
accident. They tell him Dr. Smith is handling the case.
They page the doctor. He comes out to the waiting room to
see a terribly upset Mr. Jones.

Mr. Jones? the doctor asks.

Yes, sir, what's happened? How is my wife?

The doctor sits next to him and says, Not good news. Your
wife's accident resulted in two fractures of her spine.

Oh my God says Mr. Jones, what will be her prognosis?

Well, Mr. Jones, her vital signs are stable. However, her
spine is inoperable. She'll have no motor skills or
capability. This means you will have to feed her.

Mr. Jones begins to sob.

And you'll have to turn her in her bed every two hours to
prevent pneumonia.

Mr. Jones begins to wail and cry loudly.

Then, of course, the doctor continued, you'll have to
diaper her as she'll have no control over her bladder and
of course these diapers must be changed at least five times
a day.

Mr. Jones begins to shake as he cries, sobs, wails.

The doctor continues: And you'll have to clean up her
feces on a regular basis, as she'll have no control over
her sphincters. Her bowel will engorge whenever and quite
often I'm afraid, Of course you must clean her immediately
to avoid accumulation of the putrid effluent she'll be
emitting regularly.

Now Mr. Jones is convulsing, sobbing uncontrollably, and
beginning to wither off the bench into a sobbing pitiful
mass.

Just then Dr. Smith reaches out his hand and pats Mr. Jones
on the shoulder.

Hey, I'm just fugging with you, she's dead.


ROTgotdayumFLMAO :lmao:

 

[MACKG]

If I was with you right now, I'd slap you upside your head for posting that weak azz ish!!!!

 

[Warndalyn]

Originally posted by NASTYNUPE
If I was with you right now, I'd slap you upside your head for posting that weak azz ish!!!!

Well I can tell you what, if you were with me right now, slapping me upside my head would not be on the agenda...you'd better ask somebody knucka. I don't play that isht.

 

[MACKG]

I'll knock you upside the head but it won't be with my hands....

LOL

Originally posted by Dtown Jag



Well I can tell you what, if you were with me right now, slapping me upside my head would not be on the agenda...you'd better ask somebody knucka. I don't play that isht.

 

[Warndalyn]

Yeah whatever

 

[jelli]

Forest gump goes 2 heaven

The day finally arrived: Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven.
He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself.
However, the gates are closed and Forrest approaches the
Gatekeeper.
St. Peter says, "Well, Forrest, it's certainly good to see
you. We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we've been administering an entrance examination for everyone.
The test is short, but you have pass it before you can get
into Heaven."
Forrest responds, "It shor is good to be here St.Peter, sir.
But nobody ever tolt me about any entrance exam. Shor hope the test ain't too hard;
life was a big enough test as it was."
St. Peter goes on, "Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only
Three questions.
First: What two days of the week begin with the letter T?
Second: How many seconds are there in a year?
Third: What is God's first name?"
Forrest leaves to think the questions over. He returns the
next day and sees St. Peter who waves him up and says, "Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers."
Forrest says, "Well, the first one -- which two days in the
week begin with the letter "T"? Shucks, that one's easy. That'd be Today and Tomorrow."
The Saint's eyes open wide and he exclaims, "Forrest, that's
not what I was thinking, but ..... you do have a point, and I guess I didn't specify, so I'll give you credit for that answer.
How about the next one?" asks St. Peter. "How many seconds in
a year?"
"Now that one's harder," says Forrest, "but I thunk and thunk
about that and I guess the only answer can be twelve."
Astounded, St. Peter says, "Twelve? Twelve!? Forrest, how in
Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?"
Forest says "Shucks, there's gotta be twelve: January 2nd,
February 2nd, March 2nd. . ."
"Hold it," interrupts St. Peter. "I see where you're going
with this, and I see your point, though that wasn't quite what I had in mind..... but I'll have to give you credit for that one, too. Let's go on with the third and final question. Can you tell me God's first name"?
"Sure" Forrest replied, "its Andy."
"Andy?!" exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St. Peter.
"Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?"
"Shucks, that was the easiest one of all," Forrest replied. "I
learnt it from the song. . . . "ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN. . . ."
St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates and said: "Run Forrest,
run."


:lmao: :lmao:

 

[Warndalyn]

That's a cute one jelli.

:lol:

 

[limefree]

Both are funny.:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: